Lonely Hearts Club » l. forman + s. hyde

realization

It wasn't any big or miraculous realization. Even though he had loved her since freshman year, he never really admitted to himself. Because, it was Lucy Forman: the girl who made his life miserable with her bratty ways all through elementary school, the girl who was a know-it-all in highschool and who was treated like a princess by her parents. But she was also his friend (although he was much more apt to call her just his friend's sister); she had decent taste in music; she was pretty zen — smirking before giving the quarterback a black eye is pretty freaking zen.
    
So, because it was Steven Hyde, he definitely wouldn't have reached the conclusion he loved her any earlier than he did. Throughout high school he nearly acknowledged that, yeah, he didn't mind talking to her, and admired her zen state, and her quirks were enough to get him to chuckle sometimes.
    
After they started seeing eachother in secret though, it was getting harder and harder to avoid the conclusion. It was pretty early after Veterans' Day, Bud hadn't even run off with Edna yet. The pair were laying in his bed; Lucy writing away on an English paper due the next week while she laid on her stomach with her feet swinging in the air, Hyde reading through the newspaper while sitting upright, beside her.
    
And that was it, just being beside her, he realized there was no one else he'd rather sit with in silence. He looked over to the girl beside him, scrawling away on her paper, humming slightly to herself, her brow furrowed as she read through what she just wrote. Hyde was suddenly struck with fear because this relationship — or whatever it was — was suddenly much more real than he had anticipated.
    
But he also realized that the reason he was so freaked out about it was because now it meant he really couldn't screw things up with her.
    
"You're staring," Lucy mumbled between her teeth as she held her pencil in her mouth while erasing what she just wrote.
    
Hyde smiled before shrugging, "Sorry doll, you just look gorgeous."

❁

So although she might not have fallen first, she realized it way faster than Steven had. But it was no quick discovery by any means.
    
It was her nature to think things through logically. And for so long it was easy to come up with a more logical reason for her feelings towards him. She asked him to kiss her because she trusted him — not because she had a crush on him or anything. She asked him to stay and not leave with Chrissy because it would ruin his life — not because it would also ruin her's. She begged her parents to have him move in because no 16 year old should live alone — not because it hurt her to see him like that. She was so hurt at Halloween because he went back on their deal — not because he was the last person she imagined would betray her. She was so upset about Hyde going to jail for Jackie because he almost got kicked out of the house for it — definitely not because she was jealous.
    
But, that was when she realized it. It must've been the day he got out of jail, the two were walking down by the lake that they lost their clothes at that one time. "So, I'll probably ask Leo if I can bum out with him. That should be nice," Hyde said as they walked down the path, hands stuffed in his pockets.
    
"My dad's not gonna kick you out. He'll come around," Lucy glanced at him out of the side of her eye. "I just can't believe you were stupid enough to get caught," bitterness laced her voice. "You never get caught," she said quietly, "Jackie said some shit about how you got arrested for holding her heart — was it, uh, something to do with her?"
    
Hyde answered without hesitation, "No."

"So you just got caught?" Lucy asked pointedly and in exasperation. 

"This again? Really?" Hyde sighed in defeat. "Are you ever gonna let me live it down?"

"Nope," Lucy said quietly, popping the p, as she angrily kicked a rock. But even as she said it, she knew it wasn't really Hyde she was upset with. She was upset with herself for feeling so invested. And it was this feeling that allowed her to admit that just maybe this was more than a dumb crush. And she was upset with herself realizing she had fallen for him. Because, well now, logically, nothing would be the same.

❁

a/n: who knows how regular updates will be but here ya go
Xoxo