Separate Ways - Byler

X - I Still Love You

My fingertips were icy cold from the chill that had settled unforgivingly upon my exposed flesh; the toes of my socks were damp from the dew that clung to the blades of grass I had ambled through and my heart was in tatters from a conversation that had driven my hard-won stability off a cliff and into the deepest pits of a far away ocean.

Following the coffee - not "date", no matter what my unhelpful brain had deemed it to be - endeavour that Mike and I had undertaken, I'd found myself wandering the streets of the city until long after the sun had set. Every class I'd began the day with every intention of going to had been entirely forgotten as everything seemed worthless to me. I'd come to the understanding that practically everything in life is fleeting, everything is ephemeral and thus the meaning of the things that had seemed so important to me had begun to slip away along with the sand dripping downwards in the hourglass of our lives. My time with Mike had been only temporary and it had been brief and was now nothing more than a grain of sand that had been buried long ago by new experiences and by new people. Yet, despite everything, it remained absolutely everything to me and my heart longed for those days once more.

The only constant in my life, the one thing that not time nor distance had been capable of erasing, was my undying love for a boy who had made a home in my heart the day he had entered into my life and asked me to be his friend. My love for Mike Wheeler would always endure, regardless of what horrors the world would throw my way - and throw my way, the world had certainly done.

Throughout my aimless wanderings, my mind had been blank and my soul seemed to have turned to stone. I had been unable to find any comfort in the songs that had filtered down from birds in the trees nor had the sunset inspired me the way it once had. Every sense I had that was usually so alert to the offerings of the world around me seemed to have vanished all at once and I had fumbled homeward unseeing and unaware. The first acknowledgment I received in what must have been hours that I remained present with my feet securely on solid ground was the sound of the door slamming behind me as I stepped into my home.

My feet remained planted on the welcome mat as the echoing of the the door reverberated around inside of my head, drowning out everything else around me so that I didn't even hear the approach of footsteps. It was only when blazing red hair caught my attention that I became aware that my sister was standing before me and seemed to be lecturing me on something that I had not been listening to.

"- and I was standing there for a half hour before I finally gave up!" The girl concluded with an exasperated sigh, her arms folded across her chest and I suddenly felt guilty that I hadn't understood a word of what she had so passionately been announcing.

"Wh-what?" I stammered, attempting with every ounce of energy I had to ground myself and to keep track of the conversation but knowing that I was failing miserably.

"We were supposed to meet after class! You told me the other day that you'd pick me up and we'd grab coffee but you never showed and I had to come home after waiting in the cold for you."

Unable to quite process the information that had been presented to me, I remained silent and found I could do nothing except stare unsurely at my sister who I witnessed begin to soften before my eyes. One hand fell limp to her side as her other became outstretched towards me and she stepped forward in my direction.

"Will," Max called out to me in a voice that betrayed deep concern, "What happened? Are you alright?"

With a glance towards the reassuring hand that had been placed upon my shoulder, I suddenly felt an overwhelming sense of gratitude and love for the girl whom I was fortunate enough to have been able to call my sister in recent years. She had been a source of fire and illumination when everything else around me had seemed so dim and bleak and I knew I'd be forever in her debt for her unwillingness to allow me to face this life alone. Both of my siblings had been there to provide me with a lifeline to clutch onto when the world began to teeter and collapse beneath my feet. My family were my solace and I knew that, as long as I had them in my life, nothing was as bad as it seemed.