I opened my eyes slowly, adjusting them to the light. I barely remembered what happened. I scanned my surroundings; I was in a hospital.
Memories from the previous night came back. I had jumped out of my window.
At that moment, I realized how stupid that was. My house was only two stories. I didn't know why I thought it would kill me. Next time, I'd make sure of my fate.
I blinked a few times and looked around. I was alone in here. Of course I was alone.
My head was pounding and my body was sore. Why couldn't I have just died? I guess I just couldn't be that lucky.
I was bitter, honestly. I finally decided to do it and it didn't even work. Now I'd have to live until I found a better way to do it. A way I knew would work.
I heard the door creak open. I glanced up to see Vic in the doorway. He looked tired and his eyes were red, like he'd been awake for a long time, possibly crying by the slight puffiness of his eyelids. His eyes finally met mine.
"Kellin, you're awake." He pointed out.
I nodded.
"Unfortunately." I mumbled.
He took a seat in the chair next to my bed.
"Kellin, why would you do that? I thought you were okay...I mean I know Ronnie said some things but--"
"Vic, just shut up. You don't know. You think you do, but you don't." I said bitterly.
He looked surprised. I didn't care, and definitely I didn't feel bad. I didn't care that he had cried over me. I didn't have an ounce of emotion in my body.
"Then help me." He pleaded. "Help me understand. Help me know." He said desperately.
I stared at him.
"Why do you care? Why?" I demanded.
"I care about you, Kellin." He stated, which only made me more frustrated.
"Why do you care about me? You seriously don't know me."
"I don't know. I care about everyone." He said, looking awful confused.
Yeah, that sure made me feel special. I was just like everyone else to him. Just another fish in the sea.
"Nice." I said bitterly.
"Kellin, I'm serious. I care about you. I don't want you hurting yourself. Do you understand that when you hurt yourself, you're hurting others too?" He asked.
I laughed humorlessly.
"Vic, I don't think you understand, so let me try to get this through your thick skull. I don't have anyone to hurt." I said bitterly.
"You have me." He stated. I shook my head.
"No, no I don't. This doesn't change anything, Vic. I still want you to stay away from me." I said.
He shook his head.
"No. I'm not going to do that." He told me.
Why the hell did he have to be so stubborn?
"Whatever." I said.
"I know you want to be dead right now, Kellin. I know. There was a time when I wanted to die too, but suicide doesn't stop the chances of life getting worse, it eliminates the possibility of it ever getting better."
I wasn't buying his crap. It was all crap. Maybe he did want to die at one point, but he didn't now.
"I'll change your mind." He said.
