I set the now-bloody blade down beside me.
I had been doing good. I hadn't self-harmed in almost a week, because I didn't have any good reason to. I was ashamed of myself, and I knew Vic would be ashamed of me, too.
He would be disappointed that I let Ronnie get to me. The thought of disappointing Vic only made me more flustered and upset.
It was only a matter of time before Vic showed up at my house. I knew he would.
By then, I was buried in my covers, still crying faintly. I heard a soft knock on my door, which was weird because Vic usually never knocked.
"Come in." I mumbled. I heard the door open and close softly.
I looked up to see Vic.
"Hey, Kellin." He said softly.
I looked up at him with glossy eyes. I couldn't bare to tell him that I'd done it again. That I broke my promise. He told me whenever I felt like harming myself to call him.
He knelt down beside my bed and looked into my eyes.
"I'm not going to ask if you're okay," He started, his voice still soft,"because clearly you're not."He finished.
"But...did you...did you do anything?" He asked the question like he was unsure of himself.
I cried even more as I nodded and pulled the blanket up, rolling up my sleeve to reveal my arm. He looked hurt, but he didn't say anything.
He just grabbed my arm and started kissing my cuts. He'd never done this before. He kissed each one, and then held my hand in his.
"Do you remember when I told you that when you do this, you don't only hurt yourself?" He asked, staring at our hands.
I nodded when he looked at me.
"And do you remember what your response was?" He asked.
I did remember, but I shook my head.
"You said," he paused. He sounded choked up, and he wasn't looking at me.
"You said that you don't have anyone to hurt." He finally looked at me, and his eyes were glossy. It made me want to cry more, the fact that I made him cry too.I didn't want Vic to cry. I wasn't worth crying over.
"Well, you have me, Kellin. When you do this to yourself, it kills me. Seeing you in pain hurts me. I want to help, but there's nothing I can do, and it kills me." He said.
"You're too beautiful for these." He said, running his thumb across the cuts. By this point, I didn't even try to stop the tears from falling.
"I'm so sorry." I whispered.
That was the last thing said between us. He had me scoot over, so I did. He climbed into my bed and let me snuggle close to him. He put his arm around me and comfortingly rubbed my back. And that's how I fell asleep; in the comfort of Vic's arms.
--
I woke up the next morning to the blaring of my alarm clock.
I was alone, and it was really cold in my room.
I glanced at my window; it was open. Vic must have left after I fell asleep last night. Honestly, I was disappointed that he was gone.
I hadn't slept that well in a very long time. I remembered that I forgot to take my medication last night and cursed myself.
I walked downstairs, noting that my mom had already left for work.
I walked into the kitchen and saw a note on the counter. Next to the note, a pill.
