Vic had been calling the house nonstop. I didn't want to talk to him, and he clearly just couldn't get the point.
I was still in shock that he had a boyfriend. I just couldn't believe that he had kept it from me.
Today was Thursday, so I had therapy after school. I really didn't want to go.
I walked downstairs and found a pill on the counter, just like I had all week. I threw it in the trash. I hadn't taken my medication last night either. What's the point? The only reason I had been taking it willingly was because of Vic. But I difn't care what he wanted anymore.
I grabbed my things and left the house
--
"Kellin, please. I just wanna talk--"
"I don't care, Vic. Leave me alone." I said firmly.
"Please, Kellin. I still care about you. Please understand I just can't hurt Jaime that way. We can still be friends." He pleaded.
I shook my head. My eyes were starting to water as my anger faded.
"Vic, can't you see that that isn't what I want? I want someone to love and make me feel loved. I don't want a friend. I need more than that. I need someone who will be there for me through everything." I stated.
It was really hard to keep my tears from falling. I wasn't angry anymore. I was just sad.
"Kellin, I have been there through everything, and I will be. We don't have to be in a relationship for me to be there for you." He whispered.
I shook my head.
"That doesn't solve everything. I don't just want you to be there through everything. I want to feel loved and cared about. I want to feel like...like I mean something." I said.
"Kellin, you mean something to me. How many times do I have to tell you before you understand?" He asked. He looked broken.
I shook my head.
"Goodbye, Vic." And I was pretty sure those would be the last words he'd ever hear me say
--
I was getting my things from my locker to go home when I saw a piece of paper sitting on the shelf next to my bag of blades. I picked the paper up and unfolded it. It was a poem.
No more bad days
It's clear from here
No more bad days
For you my dear
Because my legs are strong
My arms are stretched so long
I will always reach for you
'Cause you are sweet and pure
Yeah you are beautiful
In everything you do
You may have given up
But I will lift you up
I will always carry you
'Cause you are sweet and pure
Yeah you are beautiful
In everything you do.
Vic
The fact that he wrote this for me made my heart clench. I turned and looked to Vic's locker. He wasn't there. I was one of the only people still here.
I tucked the paper into the pocket of my hoodie and left the school building.
--
It really was a shame that Vic left the school before I could see him again. I wanted to say one last goodbye.
I got to my house. My mom still wasn't home, and she wouldn't be for hours. She worked late tonight. I wasn't going to therapy. I didn't need to because soon, I'd be gone.
I was about to look for my pills when I stopped. This wasn't right. I couldn't just end it without a word, especially when I knew this would be final. No one was going to be here to stop me. I was going to lock the front door when I did it so Vic couldn't walk in and find me.
