Choose Me

Turkey Eve

*Stef*

"I...I haven't heard from you in weeks! Almost a month! And NOW you show up! And without warning?" I run my trembling hand through my wavy hair, frustrated as all get out as just a few moments ago, Ren showed up at my apartment.

"I know! And I'm sorry! I had so much to think about..."

"You tell ME! You don't drop off the planet and disappear! Ren! How is this remotely okay with you?" I walk up to her after I abruptly cut her off, and she shakes her head as she wipes tears that have come to her eyes.

I refuse to allow tears to soften my heart. In fact, I just can't right now. Not now! Not after becoming so close to Lena these past few weeks. "Why now? Huh? Thanksgiving is tomorrow! Why wait until now?" I plop down on the edge of my recliner, running my fingers through my hair over and over. I'm beyond frustrated and upset and I can barely breathe.

"I really, really messed up," she walks over to me and kneels in front of me, taking both of my hands in hers. "I don't expect you to forgive me like that, but I'd like to try again...if you'll have me!"

I clench my jaw as I look deeply into Ren's brown eyes and think long and hard. This can NOT be happening to me right now. Why????

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*Lena*

Several weeks have passed, and both Stef and I have found every possible excuse to spend time together...in bed. And with each passing day, the voice in the back of my head telling me that what I'm doing is wrong...what we're doing is wrong, even if it feels like the best thing happening to me, grows quieter. It grows quieter and dimmer, yet as I wake up the day before Thanksgiving and look at the empty bed beside me, I remember how cold and distant I've been with Amber.

*Flashback*

"No! I said Jenna offered to pick your parents up at the airport! Like every other year! Why would it change this year?"

"Well, maybe if you had listened, you'd have heard that I have off that entire week! Is it so wrong to want to pick up my own parents? Is it?"

Not only are we both raising our voices, but also we are practically in each other's face, and I realize this and back off.

"Look, I think somehow our lines were crossed, and I'll just call her and tell her myself," I back off and pick up my phone to call Jenna, but Amber stops me.

"Wait..."

I look up as I wait for whatever argument she has coming at me next.

"Just let her do it. Relax. Honestly. You never get to relax. Take that afternoon off and go do something for yourself before we're caught up in the hullabaloo of the holiday..." she walks over and wraps her arms around my waist which is a first in a very long time. "Please?!?!"

All I want to do is pull away from her, but I don't. I tell myself to calm the fuck down. I put myself in this mess, and I need to figure a way out. And although Stef hasn't pressured me to break things off with her, in this moment, I can feel the guilt begin to creep up my throat with it's cold, dead hands.

I shake it off as I lean in to kiss her lips, but instead she pulls me in for a hug. I can't say that I blame her seeing as I've been nothing but cold and distant lately.  "Thanks, babe. I appreciate it."

We pull apart and she clears her throat as she grabs her keys. "I should be thanking you, Lena. You do a lot around the house."

As she turns to leave for work, I bite my bottom lip knowing that this guilt will be the death of me for sure. I have to tell her....but when?

*Flashback Ends*

As I pull up to the Law Offices of Grevelles & Hersching, my heart begins to race. I don't know why I thought of this at the last minute except about an hour ago, I had gotten off the phone with Stef and we had gotten into a huge blow-out. Bringing Amber lunch seemed like a way for me to try and see if my relationship with her was worth fixing. I hadn't brought her lunch in forever, and bringing her favorite salad and seltzer water seemed like a peace offering. I know she had told me to do something nice for myself today, but those plans went out the window after talking to Stef.

*Flashback*

"Hey, babe!" I smile as I hold the phone on my shoulder so I can finish eating my breakfast.

The silence on the other end disturbed me and I found myself getting up from my breakfast nook and heading towards my home office. "Stef? Are you there?"

"Uhh...yes. Yes, I'm here, Len," she clears her throat before continuing. "Hey, listen, Ren is here, and we're gonna head up the coast tomorrow. I wanted to let you know. I know we were supposed to go Black Friday shopping after dinner and stuff, but I need to cancel."

I feel a giant brick hit my stomach as she rambles on, and I finally find my voice. "Excuse me. Wait a minute. Did you say Ren is there? Did you know she was coming?"

"No, Lena! She just showed up, and I couldn't send her away. I..."

"I think I'm going deaf because I swear you just said you couldn't send her away!" I cut her off, the blood rushing to my face and head, now pounding in my ears.

"It's complicated, Lena. I can explain it all later, okay? I gotta go soon. I just..."

"You made your choice, Stef! Don't even bother explaining later! I'm done! It's over!"

"Lena! Please! You have no room to talk! None! You're still with Amber! So, maybe we should discuss how patient I've been!"

"How patient you've been? We've barely talked by the way. You were patient last night when I was between your legs! Or were you struggling to be patient? Tell me, Stef? Huh? This woman up and leaves without a single word and you take her back?"

"Lena! I can't get into it right now! Please! Give me a few days, okay? She came all this way, and..."

I end the call in the middle of her sentence unable to hear anymore of her bullshit as I fall to my knees in the middle of my bedroom and lean over, crying my eyes out. Because as much as I'd love to be angry with Stef, I just can't. She's right. I'm still with Amber.

*Flashback Ends*

I wipe my eyes and look in my car mirror making sure I don't look like I've been crying before I grab the bag with our lunch. I need to figure my own shit out once and for all. I'm only hurting myself, but as I walk towards the giant glass doors, I don't notice Amber's Jeep backing out of her corporate spot.

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*Poor Lena😕