Choose Me

Fall Leaves & Unicorns

*Lena*

I step into the driveway of my little house I bought with Amber just a little over three years ago and look out over my front lawn. Not only is it covered in leaves, they are now wet from the autumn rains we had all day yesterday. I push my hair back from my face, trying to focus on the day ahead of me, yet it's hard.

All I thought about all damn weekend was Stef...Stef and the ten glorious orgasms she gave me into the wee hours of the morning just before she left for Sacramento. Stef and the disheveled look she had walking off that plane late last night, and the awkward moments we shared. Stef and the fact that she shared a giant bomb with me just as I left her at her door.

*Flashback*

"How was the flight?" I nervously play with the strap of my purse as Stef walks down the escalator towards me. She looked like she hadn't slept in days, but I figured it was just a hangover or something. I really didn't want to know, if I was being honest with myself.

She leans in and kisses my cheek, lingering longer than I would have wanted because despite the fact I know that this can never happen between us, I still want her...all of her. "It was okay...a bit choppy but ok."

I nod as we head towards the parking garage, and the silence grows between us. "I didn't get you any coffee. I should have asked you if you wanted one..."

"It's fine, love. I'm gonna just shower and go to bed anyways."

I nod as we reach my car, and I open the trunk for her to place her duffel bag, and head to the driver's seat. I nervously turn on the air, for even though it's the end of October, we are still getting muggy days much like today. Pulling out onto the highway, I keep my eyes on the road, soft rock playing in the background, and I jump as I feel her warm hand on my arm.

"How was your weekend?" she is referring to our giant Halloween Bash, and I swallow the lump in my throat.

"Nothing out of the ordinary. Jenna did the usual, drunk hit on Amber," I laugh as this has been a running joke for quite some time as Jenna and Amber used to date a long, long time ago, and every once in a while, she gets so trashed that she actually forgets she is married to Kelly and drunk hits on Amber. I never take offense to it, especially not this year, for I have no room to talk.

"Oh ya? Did you get any videos?"

I notice that she doesn't remove her hand from my arm, and I can feel the warmth of it permeating through my entire body. "Of course! I can't let that go undocumented! Especially after that one year she proposed to Amber and none of us got it on video!"

Stef and I laugh at the memory and are soon silent once more. I look over at her as I come to a stop at a red light, and finally bite the bullet. "How was yours? Your weekend, I mean?"

She doesn't look at me, but rather pulls her hand away as she wiggles her nose. "It was nice. Her friends are funny but a little more sophisticated than ours. And she has a a really nice place..."

I nod as I begin driving once more, turning down the road to her apartment. "That's nice...I bet it was a bit awk-warddddd," I drag out the ending of the word and laugh, but she doesn't as she finally looks over at me.

"Not really. It was really nice. I enjoyed myself."

I instantly stop laughing and bite my lower lip. Damn it. I knew I should have tried to stop her from going! Oh well...she's back, and that's all that really matters, right?

--------------------------

*Stef*

I know that I need to tell Lena sooner rather than later since I kind of flubbed up not telling her about Ren to begin with, and as soon as she parks and I grab my bag out of her trunk, I take her hand in mine and invite her upstairs to my place. I watch as she blushes softly, but I'd rather tell her inside away from prying eyes in case she doesn't take it so well.

When I close my door, I head to the kitchen. "Would you like some tea, sweets?"

She isn't far behind me. "Sure. Chamomile, if you have any."

I place my kettle on to boil, and remove my shirt draping it over one of my kitchen chairs. When the kettle begins to whistle, I grab it and pour the hot water over our tea bags before we head to my small living room. I sit across from her on my couch, and we sit together in complete silence as I listen to my clock tick in sync with our breathing.

"Is everything ok?"

"Yes, love...I just asked you up here so I could tell you this first. I don't want to make the same mistake I made with not telling you about Ren from the beginning..."

She moves her body to face me, a scowl on her face. "Tell me what?"

"I'm moving to Sacramento in January."

This statement lingers between us like a ticking time bomb for what feels like eternity when in reality, probably only about a minute or so. "With....Ren?" she finally squeaks out, and I keep my fingers wrapped around my warm mug as I look into her eyes.

"With Ren..."

I see the tears spring to her eyes and watch as she tries to blink them away so as to hide it. "You must be...you must be really happy with her." She sounds so innocent, so tiny in this moment, and it's breaking my heart into a thousand pieces as I swallow back my own tears.

"She does make me smile," I admit even though I'm not so sure about this at all. In all honesty, now that Lena and I have crossed a line, I know that I can no longer stay around this area. She is with Amber, and staying here will be nothing but torture for me. So, when Ren asked me this morning, I immediately told her yes.

"Does she? Does she really make you happy, Stef?" she almost sounds as if she is pleading with me, and this time, I can't bring myself to look at her.

When I don't reply, she simply stands up and sets her full mug of tea on my coffee table. "I should head home. Text me."

This time I don't go after her. I can't bring myself to do so, but she makes it all the way to my front door before quickly almost sprinting back to me, and as she stands on either side of my legs where I'm sitting, she gently commands me to look at her. "Tell me you love her..."

I look up into her eyes as tears come to the surface, and finally stand after leaning forward to set my tea next to hers. She backs up, and I back her up all the way to the wall across the room and place my hands on either side of her head. "Lena.... you're with Amber, yes?"

My eyes search hers. "It's...it's not that simple, Stef..." she whispers, and I lean in close to her.

"I can't stay here. I've done it long enough, Len..."

She nods as she sniffles, and I slowly reach out and brush the side of her face with the back of my hand. "My sweet, sweet Lena..."

She leans in and kisses my cheek as she squeezes my hand. "But I love you, Stef..."

*Flashback Ends*

I sigh as I reach over and grab a picture of Lena and I a few winters back when we flew out East to visit her cousins. It had snowed very hard, and we had decided to go sledding in the middle of the night. The picture is of us sledding down Dead Man's Hill, and her cousin, Beth, had snapped he photo. Setting in the box with the other memories of her, I walk over to my nightstand and open it. In the bottom is a small unicorn figurine Lena had given me when I first came out after leaving Mike. Tears come to my eyes as I hold it in my hands and run my fingers over the porcelain. If only...