Magcon: the boys next door

Chapter 17

I wake up oddly happy the next morning. I laugh. What have I done? I can only just smile. I needed to tell Cameron that after last night I realized it was him. I couldn't focus because he's all I ever think of and I lost feelings for Nash as soon as I'd met him. It was true but Id always been too scared to admit it. All I could think of was our kiss, I smile because he was a good kisser, like really good. I knew that I definitely wanted to kiss him again. I decide that it's my turn to surprise visit him. He's constantly popping into my house so I was going to find him and tell him exactly how I feel. I slip on my worn tennis shoes and don't care at all what I look like because I feel perfectly happy and I don't need to make sure I look good because he likes me just the way I am. That's the best feeling I guess. Just knowing you're accepted for the person you are. I'd always felt as if I needed to change for Nash but Cameron saw the real me and surprisingly liked it.

I decide I'm going to drive him into town and we will go from there. I'll tell him when the moment is perfect. Nothing can ruin this I'm beyond happy.

My first mistake is not calling Cameron. I'm so blinded by last night that I can't focus clearly. The idea is stupid because Cameron is living in Nash's house right now. I'm really killing myself for this one.

I knock on the Grier's front door and I'm greeted by someone who would actually answer his own front door: Nash. Duh. I'm stupid, i know.

"Oh hey, Stella"

I'm quiet because I don't know what to say. I don't want him to think I'm here to talk to him but I don't want him to know I'm here for Cameron. Well shit.

Before I can answer he says,"why don't you come in. The guys are upstairs and I really just need a moment to talk to you" I nodded quietly. My heart is literally pounding out of my chest and I'm starting to fear I might actually have a legitimate heart attack.

I follow his lead into the back room. It's empty and eerily quiet and I'm positive he can hear my heart thumping. I sit down on the couch a good distance a part from him. This a large distance between, much bigger than the gap that physically separates us. I feel it and I know he must too. We are changed people and I feel as if there's no returning to how we had once been. The distance between us seems to be expanding each day.

"I know this is just a bad situation for all us. I need to let you know something ,though"

I wish I could've stopped him because he looks so innocent and his eyes show he's scared and the words he's about to say are hard for him to admit

"Recently, my feelings for you have changed. I look at you and I see my fourteen year old best friend but I also see a completely different person. A person I like very much" he doesn't look me in the eye but looks to the ground. His speech is not a deceleration as Cameron's was, but his words are short and sweet. I know he's sincere and the words he says he means.

I move closer to him on the couch and grab his hand,"Nash, recently my feelings have changed too...but not in the way you may want. I'm sorry, I wish they hadn't but...I just-I don't know anymore. I'd liked you when you were my best friend but I found myself always hurting because of you. I should've told you sooner and maybe things would've changed I don't know. I don't have any regrets looking back but I don't wish I'd told you sooner. I felt so much love for you at one time. I do now too just it's not the same for me" I can't change the words now that they're out.

"I'm confused about everything. I know I'll never completely get over my feelings for you...but I have to be honest about something" oh god this is going to be the worst part. His heart looks broken and I almost stop myself, but he does deserve to know the truth.

"I didn't plan on it happening. I didn't want it to happen and I tried avoiding it, but I couldn't and he wouldn't let me. I do have feeling for Cameron and I'm so sorry but only because it hurts you" he stares down at the floor. I want to comfort him but I don't know how. I hold on to his hand and he doesn't pull away but I know I've hurt him beyond comparison. He doesn't need to say it outloud because I can see it written all over his face.

He looks up at me with his sad blue eyes and my hurt aches for him. My poor best friend.

"You do have feelings for me, just also Cameron?"

I nod,"I mean only that my feelings for you aren't as strong as they were"

He pulls his hand away from mine and runs his hands through his hair,"im so stupid. You once loved me and I couldn't see it and now you can't. I'm an idiot for not seeing it"

"Nash, you can't control your feelings and sometimes feelings change"

"Yeah, clearly" this hurts me and I'm taken back my harshness in his voice.

"I'm sorry, Stella. I didn't mean to make you feel bad about yourself" his voice softens and he looks at me again. He grabs my hand and we are very close to one another. I turn away because I don't want him to see the stupid tear I have. I'm stupid but I never wanted to hurt him and I can't help the fact that I don't love him as much anymore.

He notices and I see even more pain in the fact that he has hurt me. He strokes my face with his fingertips, gently brushing the tears away and resting his hand on my cheek.

"Don't cry. I'm so sorry for hurting you" he speaks softly and looks longingly into my eyes. Our foreheads are almost touching and I don't like where this is leading to. He notices I'm about to pull away when he draws my face closer to his. He lightly presses lips to mine. It is so sweet and gentle I'm almost sorry to pull away but I have to to. I bring myself back to reality

"Nash, I'm sorry. I just can't and I explained to you why" I stand up quickly trying to get myself out of this house as fast as possible.

"Why, because of Cameron?" He calls after me.

I whip around,"Yes, because of Cameron. I can't just go from kissing him one night to kissing you the next morning. It's wrong and I can't do it" me and my big mouth, right? The words just fumble out in my moment of anger. I see that this is the last blow but the worst to him. I can't bear his heart broken face and turn to dash out this house. The last thing I see are his very sad, blue eye looking at me in utter disbelief.