Cigarettes and Sass (reupload)

Chapter 17

Gerard looked up, his eyes hopeful, as Brian came into his office. He had been waiting for him to show up all morning, it now just after lunch though Gerard hadn't gone to the cafeteria for anything himself. He was still feeling exhausted and run down, he felt like he'd never be able to stomach another meal again; yet he was full of a delicate hope that Frank had received his letter... that maybe he would want to talk.

"Hey..." He whispered softly, watching with anxious eyes as Brian crossed the room to sit on the edge of the desk as always. Gerard's heart sank slightly at the look on the younger man's face, and he knew already what he was going to say. "He didn't read it did he?" He sighed, his whole body deflating as he slumped in his chair and looked down at his lap. "I knew he wouldn't..."

"I'm sorry Gerard..." Brian sighed, his face scrunched up sadly. "Matt did everything he could but..." Brian trailed off, shaking his head. He didn't want to go into detail... Gerard didn't need to know that Frank had burnt the letter before he could even get it out of the envelope.

"It's okay..." Gerard whispered, just staring into his lap, his face emotionless. "It's fine I... You did everything you could." He heaved a deep sigh and slumped even more, closing his eyes for a moment and swallowing thickly. He wished he could just go home and go to bed. He just wanted to go to sleep and never get up again until it all stopped hurting.

"Gee..." Brian whimpered, sliding his hand across the smooth wood of the desk to touch his fingers to Gerard's. "Maybe if you just give him a bit more time... In a week or so maybe he'll listen, maybe – "

"No." Gerard's voice was soft but he shook his head vigorously. "No. No more chasing him." He sighed, squeezing his eyes shut to try and dispel the headache that was beginning to form. "He doesn't want to hear me out, so I'll leave him alone." He lifted his head just a tiny bit to meet Brian's gaze, smiling sadly at him. "Thanks again though Bri, I appreciate it." He sighed, the words polite, devoid of all feeling. As much as Gerard was trying to hide it Brian could clearly see he was just falling apart.

"Gerard I –"

"Just go, please." Gerard sighed, shaking his head again and looking back to his lap. "I have a lot of work to catch up on." He whispered, Brian looking at him sadly for a long moment. He considered arguing, even opened his mouth to start... but he knew it was hopeless. Gerard was hurting and he wanted to be alone, Brian had failed to make Frank listen, the least he could do was follow Gerard's wishes now.

"Alright..." He breathed, squeezing Gerard's hand gently as he slid off the desk. "Just call if you need anything." He said gently, hesitating by the desk for a moment but Gerard didn't say anything in return. Once the silence began to feel awkward Brian sighed and nodded, turning and heading out the door without another word. He glanced over his shoulder just as he was stepping over the threshold, his eyes full of concern to see Gerard sat as still as a statue, still staring into his lap. He didn't move at all as Brian slowly closed the door, the younger man left to go back to his own desk feeling worse than ever.

Once Brian had gone Gerard slumped fully, laying his head against the desk and just letting a few tears fall. He kept mostly silent, he had already cried so much since Frank had left he didn't feel like he had any energy left to sob. He was in a world of shit what with everything going on with Bert and he knew he couldn't let this issue with Frank get on top of him. Frank didn't want to talk to him, he didn't want to see him... Gerard knew he simply had to accept that and move on. But God that was easier said than done.

He found it hard to believe that all of this had happened just because Frank had found out about him being a fan. He supposed he should have been honest from the start... Maybe if he had just told him then things wouldn't have turned out like this. Bert would have turned up and Frank would have trusted Gerard enough to actually stand by him and help him get through this mess. He ached to think that he could have had Frank's support now... his strength would have been invaluable. Even just the simple act of curling up into his arms at the end of each day would have helped tremendously. But instead he was forced to face it alone, forced to try and get through the hardest breakup of his life whilst being strong enough to help his abused, ex boyfriend get back on his feet... not to mention he had a cartoon to be writing and drawing.