Pained

132

i knew i loved her when
she grew apart from me
and began to spend more time
with her friends i didn't trust
but i said nothing of it because
my heart screamed for her

my body ached when she spoke to me
in our romantic life,
i would feel so weak when
she'd tell me she loved me
and i would freeze when
she'd tell me how much she missed me
and wanted her lips on mine

every time i tried to make it to her
she would tell me it was okay if
i failed her
she never knew how much i tried to
all i ever wanted was to see her again
she didn't remember when we first met
it hurt me but i didn't care anymore

i made it not matter because
she was mine and
she loved me as i loved her
it was a circle of affection and feelings
beauty lasting oh so sweetly

i thought that all of this was
every reason i loved her but
i remember when she grew distant
when she stopped answering me
when her eyes stopped focusing on me
and when she changed the subject
when she felt my three words of truth
about to fall from my mouth of veracity

i let my honesty mask her lies
i told myself she was just sad because
it was true
but i didn't realize that
she began to not want me

she stopped holding my hand so tight
and eventually, not at all
she only hugged me to greet
and never to say see you soon to me
we never kissed anymore and
sat in uncomfortable silence on the floor

she began to
yell at me and was always so
angry with me
over small things i did, her hands
they made my skin sting
when she left marks on my body

she became a villain to my friends
that she hated
thinking i would cheat even though
she slept with a stranger when
she'd had too much to drink

and even after all of this hell
that she put me through i
still looked at her the same
i still kissed her head when she fell asleep
and kept her warm when
she was tired and high

she hated me but
i still gave her
everything

-toxic