Trophy Daughter

Chapter 24- You've got a friend in me

Feelsy chapter. 

I know who is endgame, do you?

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Maria and Barnabas were quiet as we walked home. To be honest, I was the quiet one. Carlisle would probably nod his head in some weird quiet rich people joy and give himself a secret fist pump. I was never quiet. 

But right now, I didn't want to be loud. I didn't want to be...anything really. I just wanted to sit in my room and stare at a blank screen for a while so that I would have something to project the mess that was my thoughts and feelings. 

We walked back to my hall, Maria casually walking inside and leaving Barnabas and I to stand outside. It was nearly dark, so nearly time for him to go back to his hotel. Barny-boy dropped to a crouch in front of me, pulling me down next to him as we listened to Oakhill dorm members gathering for their dinners. It was strangely soothing to hear everyone doing their things. Just plodding along. Living life happily. 

I just wanted to go and lie on my bed. 

"You know, people do want you." 

I nodded. People did want me. A whole big part of me knew that. It just didn't...know it. Barnabas patted me on the head, turning his head to the sky and looking up at it. 

"I'll see you tomorrow Circe. I'll be back bright and early so you better ready your dumb ass for a day of...chilling?" He shook his head, instantly recanting. "Nevermind, I'll think of something better. Just, just go to sleep okay? Don't get lost in those thoughts of yours."

Ha. 

He walked away, awkwardly waving before jogging off to his dad who was waiting on the sidewalk with their car. I stood up and turned to the door, inhaling deeply. A few seconds was all I needed. 

I was not a mess. I was Circe Dillon Lux. Mathematician, genius, extraordinaire of all things numbers. A smile plastered itself across my face, slapping down with such an intensity it had me wincing. I just had to make it to my room. 

I exhaled and opened the door, letting my smile scrunch my eyes up and my mouth take over. Carla and Erica shouted greetings and brief questions before getting back to their movie, Maria slid a bowl of chilli over to me before bounding off to her room, all the other members of the Oakhill dorm made fruitless chat before I made it back to the safe confines of my room. 

I sat down on the floor and pulled my blanket down from my bed, curling up in the middle of the carpeted expanse. 

"No?"

Esther nodded slowly, her lips flattening into a thin line. I knew what shone in her eyes now, the glimmer from the sea of tough she showed. It was genuine pain. She knew what she was telling me and she knew how much it would hurt. 

The tears stayed locked up tight. I threw away the key. 

"Did they love me?" 

Her lips tightened before she turned away and I had my answer. They really didn't want me. Hadn't wanted me. The mere selfishness, the mere irresponsibility, the mere inhumanity of not wanting or loving a child that you brought into this world? 

I couldn't understand. But I understood what it felt like to be on the other end. 

And it hurt like a mother fucker. 

"So you're my aunt." 

Esther paused before nodding.  And I didn't even know how to feel about her. 

I didn't want to cry. When I  had lived back with the Lux's I hadn't cried that much and I mdidn't want a place that was filled with so much happiness to be tainted by my tears. 

But I was sad. So fucking sad. 

A knock at my door sounded, harder than the usual people who came to see me. I ignored it and pulled my knees up, resting my forehead on them and breathing. I had read somewhere that apparently breathing slowly helps with sadness. 

The knock sounded again, harsher and harder than the time before. My eyebrows scrunched up and I felt my eyes water. I just wanted to be alone, was that too much to fucking ask for? I just wanted to lie down, think about sad things and leave it at that. 

I ignored the knock. 

And then my door burst open and the last person I expected to see towered in the doorway. Nikhil stood silent, surveying me for a moment before closing the door behind him. 

"Go away Nikhil. I'm really not in the mood." My voice trembled and I turned away from him, fatigue pulling at my conscious and my limbs onto the floor. 

He stood still, stormy eyes still on me before cautiously stepping over and sitting beside me, his heat curling around and gently comforting me. I didn't have the energy to decipher his actions, but he sat next to me, his big body dwarfing me in my room, legs stretched out and relaxed. 

"News?" 

My lips lumped together and I shook my head, letting my greasy hair fall in front of my eyes. Nikky said nothing.  He shifted slightly closer, a kind of human wall against the tumult of my emotions. Was he providing...comfort? I didn't stop any longer to think about it and laid my head on his shoulder, revelling in the feeling of having someone there. 

Living in the Lux household had guaranteed the fight stayed internal, feelings remained intellectualized and any sort of emotion being shown in a way that wasn't deemed proper was met with a cold shoulder. But Nikhil's was warm. 

He stiffened for a bit before relaxing. 

I grabbed his arm and moved it up and around my head so I could snuggle closer into his chest and not let him see the tears that were straining to be free. Surprisingly he let me, but he probably just felt sorry for the poor orphan girl. 

"Circe?" Nikhil murmured, a low sound that echoed through his chest. I made a noise to indicate I had heard and he lowered his head. 

"Cry. You need to."

I didn't know if it was the sudden gentleness of his voice, the warmth he gave and didn't stop giving or just the mere fact that I was so sad, but I let myself cry. 

And cry I did. 

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