Read A Song

Just A Friend To You - Meghan Trainor

Song : Just a friend to you
Singer : Meghan Trainor

"Today was fun," he states as we continue walking along the busy streets of New York. I can practically hear his smile in his words without needing to look at him.

"It definitely was," I agree with a nod of my head.

It really was. Today, we had spontaneously decided to pay a visit to a nearby amusement park and truth to be told, it's been a while since I've actually enjoyed so much. His face on the roller coaster, simply priceless.

"I mean, we hadn't had much of 'us' time for-" he pauses, realising what he just said.

A slip-up.

"Yeah, 'cause for some reason, you started ignoring me," I cut him off, not bothering to cover up the bitterness in my tone. More than it, the hurt.

"It's not like that, Cici," he sighs, letting his head fall down.

"Okay, so what's it like?" I ask, now looking directly at him. "Because I'm lost here. I've-I've no idea what you're trying to accomplish with your bullshit."

He doesn't say anything. Though he isn't looking at me, I can see that he's biting the inside of his lip, something he does when he's troubled by something. His dark, wavy hair lie as a mess on his head and with sunset in the background and some light wind blowing, it looks like a scene cut from a movie.

A movie with a smoking hot actor.

"I mean, we're going in circles here," I continue, tears stinging my eyes, letting it all out. "First we talk like normal friends do and then you start ignoring me, which isn't normal at all, and then you come back to me like that didn't just happen and back to the ignoring phase."

He lets out a deep breath, not bothering to even look at me during my very emotional monologue.

Damn me and my incapability to remain stoic during heartfelt conversations.

"We've known each other since kids," I say, my voice cracking. "What's different now?"

"Cici, don't cry," he says when he finally decides to look at me. "I'm sorry, don't cry."

And then the whole dam broke.

Why does this always happen? When someone tells you not to cry, you just end up crying even harder. This is some fucked up reverse psychology, I tell you.

"You wanna know why I stop talking to you?" He says, so quietly that I barely hear him. "Why I act like I don't know you, like you aren't my dead best friend's sister?"

How dare he? How dare he disrespect him by mentioning him in our personal affairs?

"Don't bring him into this," I snap.

"But it is all about him," he says. "You know what he told me a couple days before his death?"

I remain silent not knowing what he'd say.

"He told me to promise him that I'll be a good brother to you when he's gone," he says. "And I had obviously agreed. He loved you just that much and trusted me all that much too."

Suddenly, it all clicked.

"If you mean the times we kissed, we both agreed it was a mistake," I say, ignoring the sharp jab in my chest at the word 'mistake'. "You can't take that as-"

"A mistake like that is made once," he cuts me off. "Not thrice."

"We were both drunk-"

"Not the second time, we weren't."

I stay silent, not knowing what to say anymore.

"I know you pretty well, Cici," he says, softly. "And whether you admit it or not, we've both definitely got something more than just sibling love here."

Abashed, I refuse to make eye contact with him. Of course there's more than just sibling love here, at least on my end. I've fantasised about marrying him since I was like ten. On his end, on the other hand, I've never noticed anything greater than sibling love until December, when we kissed for the first time.

"And we need to get rid of that," he says after a short pause, causing me to momentarily forget breathing. "To respect him as well as his wishes."

How do stop loving someone when you don't know how you started to?

"The reason I ignored you was to clear my head after our kiss and to remind myself how wrong this was," he continues. "But I never wanted us to stop being friends. And well, I missed you so I come back every time, determined not to make that mistake again. Guess what? I do."

My brother was one of a kind. Athletic, but not too much. Smart, but pretty limited. Creative, kind of. Passionate about everything though. I've never really had any sort of rivalry with him, we got along just fine. Hell, we may have been the closest siblings ever. I've never genuinely hated him up till this point in my life. That son of a bitch (Sorry mom). Who does he think he is, butting into my perfect love story?

"You like me?" I ask, hesitant.

"Well, no shit," he chortles, stuffing his hands in his jeans pockets. I roll my eyes but let his rude reply slip past.

"You?" He asks, his voice hesitant.

"Me?" I question, unsure of what he was asking.

"Do you like me back?" He asks, rolling his eyes.

"Like, since forever," I answer, fiddling with my hands.

The only sound I hear now is my own heart beating.

"Well, fuck your brother," he says after a moment of thoughtful consideration. "For putting us in this situation."

"Fuck him, indeed," I say with a small laugh and tears pooled up in my eyes. I knew that no matter how strong our feelings for each other were, the love we had for him will always beat it by a mile.

With that, we go back to being friends. Just friends.

Okay, wow, this was shitty.
Like how can one person incorporate so much shit within 1000 words? I don't know.