One Shots - Formula 1 [REQUESTS CLOSED]

58. - Esteban Ocon

For the wonderful esmeemaria xx

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"Are you happy to be here?" You boyfriend Esteban asked you as you entered the paddock in Austin. You already travelled with him to Spa and Monza, but this was your first Grand Prix out of Europe.

"Really! Thanks for invite me." You kissed his cheek, following him inside the Force India motorhome.

"Anything for you, babe. You know I love you."

"Me too." You answered, diverting your eyes to his physio Dan who was waiting for him to do some exercises.

Esteban told you he loved you two weeks ago, now. And you never said it back. Of course you love him too, but the words just couldn't come out of your mouth. Your last relationship was an abusive one and this is the last man you told those words to. In your mind, "I love you" was linked to this bad relationship. They didn't have the same meaning anymore.

Esteban didn't know that. He knew about your last relationship, that's actually him that made you leave that awful man. But he didn't know your issue with those three words. He didn't bring it yet, but you feared the moment where he would.

FP1 and FP2 were good for Esteban as he was before his teammate both times. You had a nice dinner with the rest of the team back at the hotel and you were now getting ready for bed. Esteban was taking a shower and you were waiting for him on the bed, reading a newspaper you got at the lobby of the hotel.

"I love you so much." You raised your head when you heard your boyfriend's voice. He was lying against the bathroom's door, looking at you with that stare made you feel loved.

"Me too, Esteban." You smiled but it quickly vanished when you saw him frown.

"Do you?" He straightened himself and sat on the edge of the bed.

"Of course I do!"

"Why don't you say it, then?" His ton was cold, which was unusual. It reminded you all too much about your ex.

"B-because I never got the opportunity." You stuttered.

"You don't need an opportunity to say you love me, Y/N." He snickered. "I could have understood that you needed some time. But you lie to me, every time you say 'me too', and that hurts." He paused as you felt your lower lip shiver. "I'm going to sleep on the couch."

The cold stare he gave you left you still. You two never fought before, not about such an important subject at least. You cursed your ex for messing with your life even now that you were away from him. You swallowed your tears and followed Esteban who was sitting on the couch.

"Esteban."

"I'm tired." He avoided your stare.

"Please, listen to me." You took his hand to get his attention. "I do. Those words, I do mean them. But I don't want to say them to you, I can't."

"And that's supposed to make me feel better?" He snorted. "I don't feel like you want this relationship as much as I do."

"Let me finish!" You took a deep breath. "I want this, I want you. The last time I told those words, it was to Jonathan. To me, they are associated to bad memories. And I don't want our relationship to be associated to bad memories too."

"Babe..." He said quickly when he saw you struggle to hold your tears. He knew how difficult this part of your life was. Without him, you'd still be under the influence of that terrible man. You owed a lot to Esteban.

"I could say those words in any language, just not in English. Te quiero, amo-te, ich liebe dich, ti amo. Je t'aime! Our relationship doesn't deserve to be related to tainted words, you don't deserve that. Because you're such a good man, Este. I still struggle against a lot of things, you know that. But it's you that keeps me afloat. I can't let you say I'm not involved in this relationship because it's not true. Je t'aime, more than anything in the world."

"Je t'aime, Y/N." He stood up to take your cheeks between his hands, his eyes filled with tears. "I should have known, I should have. I'm sorry I pushed you." He put kisses all over your face: your nose, your eyes, your forehead, your chin, you cheeks, to finish on your lips.

"I don't deserve you. I'm such a mess and you're perfect." You sighed.

"But you're my mess. And I wouldn't want to share my life with anyone else."