TEDDY (MY TEDDY ) (ONGOING)

5: Ŕose

... im laying on my bed with both of my leg stand on the wall, while im covered my face with blanket.
my body feels so heavy.
my leg weak.
I think gravity on my bed is heavier than the earth is.
I can't leave my bed yet .
the sun is rising, yet im still cuddling with my blanket,not really care about to getting up, even I know I had a class today.

...
can I skip everything today.
I don't really think I can leave house at the moment.
my head speak...
Not after yesterday tragedy.
I hit my face with pillow, stomp my feet eagerly.
Try to recall what happen yesterday, this is enough to ruin my morning mood.
I can't believe how foolish my action in front a guy I didn't know yet. how I lose my tongue for a minute he staring at me .
How im hoping I can turning back time where I think I better just skip my training tht day rather than being embarrassing this way .

His face still lingering in my head .
I can't forget every inch of his features.
His face, His body, how powerful his walk is. how he talk .. dammit... . im so whipped.
I even can smell his masculine perfume even he sweat that much.
how can that be?!
How can he affected me this much
I just meet him once , I even not talking to him yet.
why Im acting this way..
Who is he ? Who is yugyeom?

Now I think I know why I can't having a boyfriend.
I now know why I cold to guy.
Not all of them but, but I think im not ready to open up in relationship.
I hate how clingy relationship can be.
I hate commitment .
I don't like follow the rules .
All guys who chasing me is exactly not fit my type. They hot but this is not just hot. this is about chemistry too .
sigh...
Or this is mybe because my stupid sudden panic.
I don't know.
why;  with him im being like this..
this rarely happen
usually I control people but now is totally opposites.
I can't handle my own self nemore .
this is not me .

I sit on my bed.
I need to clear all my thoughts about him.
He's not important to me.
Plus, I didn't even know him
How if he psychopaths?
then im must so lucky not knowing him.
All this happen must have their own reason..
Yes ... I nodding my head agree with my thoughts. yes. this can work .

then my room door suddenly open .
reveal my mama with her pissed face.

You want to get up now or I take this with you ..
showing me her broom.
while looked me with boring face, with her pink apron and messy hair bun .
I bet she must be just done doing a house chores. 
Me and my mama is totally close .
But her mood will always like this every time she waking me up.
I think I know why ? hihi...

~ whining...
Im lazily getting up and hurried get in into the bedroom

... dear my mama, why you have always to bring that with you everywhere , that kinda looks heavy.
I looked her in her eyes and blinked continously with sheepsly smile appear from my face.
she just keep her straight face and watch me at the corner on her eyes, I think she about to say something
~uh.. uh.. better not, not today mama.
her lecture will take a whole day.
I can handle it right now . now today mama.
.... why is she always looked pissed every morning.
she need to take a chill pil...
im rushing into the bedroom.
I don't want cause any trouble..
and she is not working today?

~ Taylor college~

Nothing much I can stories about my whole class. learning is totally boring.
I only focused on few subject since I lack on tht part.
But studies also important. can't deny tht .
(Dont ever skip class dolls)
tht why im always here.
There have two reason why im here . well first studies . second is ... Ŕose
or mybe first ŕose and second studies .
well I don't know.