judge me | g.d.

25 - gone

grayson - thursday

graduation

"bro, have you seen kiara?" i ask hitting ethan's shoulder from where he sits down next to me.

his dark blue gown goes down to his ankles and the tassel on his cap is thrown to the side. he shakes his head no. i stand up in the chaotic building and watch as faces pass down the aisle, getting ready for the ceremony.

i don't see the beautiful familiar face that i'm just yearning to see.

"if everyone could be seated," the professor standing up at the podium announces.

i curse under my breath and pull my phone out from beneath my gown opening.

i pull up her contact and quickly type a text.

where are you????

it delivers and she never answers. what the hell?

i try calling her while listening to the pointless speech up at the podium. but no answer. i text her again.

kiara, you're missing graduation!!! where are you???

i put my phone back in my pocket after no response. i'm worried; she would never miss something like this.

the speech is over and slowly, one by one, students make their way up to the stage to receive their diplomas.

a...b...c...and finally d. i walk up when my name is called. a flash blinds me and i look over to my right. my mom stands with her big camera on the tripod.

i cheese a smile and try my hardest to not worry about kiara. she's okay i know.

kiara

i slide the last suitcase in my trunk turning around making sure no one was watching. my phone vibrates but i don't dare look at it. i grab my book bag and set it in the passenger seat as i turn the key in the ignition. my car sputters to life and i drive off towards the school.

my flight leaves at midnight tonight. the graduation ceremony started six.

i drive down the back road towards the high school. the parking lot is filled with expensive rich looking cars and suv's. i pull in and look around for grayson's sleek black car.

i spot it after driving around the parking lot almost five times. i stop my car in front of it as i jump out quickly to slide the finished note in one of the windshield wipers.

  i stand there, staring at the high school and taking it all in. i'm leaving.

  i pull my phone out and go to grayson's contact scanning over the texts he had sent me right before the ceremony had began.

  i love you, grayson, i type and send before turning his texts onto mute.

  i don't expect him to answer because he's probably receiving his high school diploma right now; unlike me.

  i glance back down at the note. fresh tears roll down my cheeks and i'm quick to wipe them away.

  my blurry eyes clear up as i drive away from the school. the sound of tires on concrete can be heard over the low music humming.

  i never wanted it to be like this.

grayson

  "congratulations to the class of twenty-eighteen!" the man yells after talking for days.

  my phone vibrates and i'm quick to reach for it. i pull it out and my eyes widen at the text. what the hell could this mean?

the students throw their caps into the air and i just walk away. ethan calls after me but i keep walking, well running, towards the exit.

  i reach my car and unlock it, about to get in when i notice it. a letter; placed delicately in between the windshield wiper and the glass.

i pull the thin piece of paper from its place and chuckle only slightly when i see the gold heart sealing the paper closed.

i carefully tear the heart off and open the paper frantically. her handwriting is the first thing i notice. neat but curvy.

  hey gray,

  i know this might come as a surprise. but is it really? i've known for a long time that new jersey isn't my home. my own house isn't my home. you were my home for a while and i want to thank you for that. i love you, grayson, so much.

  she's scaring me and i pause to gather myself.

you made me want to be loved and to give love. for the longest time i didn't really know what love was; my parents weren't the greatest examples, if you couldn't tell. but you showed me how to feel and promise me when i say it felt great–scratch that–amazing. i want my every second on this earth to be spent laughing at your horrible jokes, feeling your touch in the slightest bit of contact, and jamming in your car to wherever the hell we want to go.

i want you to know i'm not doing this to hurt you. i'm doing it for my safety and for the future i'm holding. i want you to know i'm okay, that this isn't a goodbye but a see you later type thing.

  she's leaving? tears begin to prick my eyes but i can't let them fall. i don't know if i should be may at her or just let her go.

honestly, grayson, i wish this wasn't how it had to be. i wish my life hadn't gotten so messed up to the point i thought moving across the country was the correct option. but it is. my life is so fucked up. i wanted the freedom a young adult like you or me should have and i wasn't receiving that with my current life.

so i'm gonna go receive it a little differently. i'm leaving, gray, and i want you to forget about me; i know i won't be able to forget about you.

  she's fucking crazy if she thinks i'm forgetting her.

  i want you to live your life. find another girl who isn't me.

  i love you, grayson bailey dolan.

  - kiara

  and there it is. the tear rolls down my cheek and i let it fall as students and families pile out of the massive building. my hands let the note fall as they tug at my hair.

  why?

  and that's it. now she's gone.

a/n: GUYYYYSSSS this is the last chapter and an epi will come out soon!!! i hope you guys enjoyed this book bc i sure did and i just wanted to say i love you all so much for the support and reads/votes on this book. thank you thank you thank you
vote and comment!!!
-el <3