Best of Women

Lin

I turned over in my queen-sized bed, finding an empty space, as usual. I slapped my alarm clock's snooze button, then scrubbed a hand over my face, feeling the stubble growing along my jaw. The last few days I hadn't bothered to shave. I hadn't bothered with much lately. Life was taking me for the opposite of a joy-ride lately. Shit just kept happening, and I felt like I was drowning. I had four kids and no wife, no girlfriend. I seemed to be living life day to day and I wasn't sure how much I could take anymore.

Since I'd left Hamilton, life had spiraled downward. I'd been on a high during my year-run as Hamilton, starring in the musical I'd spent eight years of my life writing. Eight years of my children's lives, when I should have been spending time with them. Instead, I'd thrown myself into my work and they'd had to take a back seat. Some of them still hadn't forgiven me. I hadn't really forgiven me.

I sighed as I threw my covers off, then wandered to the bathroom to take a shower. I rested my hands against the shower wall as I let the hot water stream over me. I willed the water to wake me, invigorate me, but it didn't really do its job. It took the edge off, but I toweled off, feeling just as dead inside as before. I threw on some jeans and a t-shirt and started making my way down the hallway to wake the kids. First stop was my 16 year old son's room. His door was adorned with rap musicians and stickers of bands I had no idea about. I knocked and didn't hear a response.

I pushed the door open and got some pushback from the junk on his floor. "Seb," I called. "Time to get going."

He groaned from his bed. His room was a pigsty and it smelled awful. It smelled like teenage boy. You know the smell.

"I mean it," I added, closing the door. Next stop was the girls' room. Their room was much more pleasant. The twins weren't graceful sleepers. Mia was on her stomach, one leg practically falling off the bed, drooling. Her sister Evalisse, was sprawled out on her back, her dark hair practically a beehive.

"Girls!" I called. "Up! Seb hasn't claimed the shower yet."

Unfortunately, we only had two bathrooms, one of them mine. Each morning was a battle between my three oldest. The girls were 8th graders, thirteen years old. At this point in their lives, they were obsessed with their looks and their clothes.

Eva jumped at the opportunity. All of a sudden, she was fully mobile as she quickly grabbed some clothes and darted past me to the bathroom. Mia would much rather have an extra ten minutes in bed. She rolled over and groaned.

Last stop was my youngest. Rio had just turned eight years old. Instead of yelling across the room at him, I walked to his bed and sat on the edge. I ran my fingers through his dark hair and he fluttered his eyes open.

"Dad?" he croaked, rubbing at his eye with the heel of his hand.

"Yeah, buddy," I told him gently. "Time for school."

He whimpered a little and clutched at his stomach. "I don't feel good."

This was an almost daily thing. For whatever reason, he didn't like school. I felt his forehead with my hand. "You feel fine, bud."

"It's my tummy," he complained, putting his saddest look on his face.

"You know the rule," I told him. "If you don't have a fever and you're not throwing up, you're going to school."

I gave him a few pats on the butt. "C'mon," I said, standing up. "I'll make you toast."

The shower was going, so I had one out of four going. I walked back down the hall and gave the older two kids a second call, then walked to the kitchen. I started the coffee maker for me and Sebastian. He'd started drinking it a few months ago, I think mostly because it made him feel grown up. He loaded it up with sugar. I pulled out the bread and started some toast for Rio.