Best of Women

Mia

The following day, I was allowed back at the gym. I couldn't believe what a big deal dad was making out of this. I mean, okay, passing out at the gym wasn't good. I admit I'd taken it too far that day. All I'd had was a banana for breakfast.

It felt good to warm up with the other girls. We always talked and laughed as we did our floor stretches. I was proud that I was one of the most flexible of everyone. It had always come naturally. As we got up and started moving, I always glanced around at the other girls. I was envious of some of them - thin and muscular, boobs. I was still basically flat. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and quickly looked away. My thighs were way too big. Gross. Every time I looked at the mirror it made me want to not eat for days.

How did they do it? How did they eat like a regular teenager and still have bodies like that? Was I the only one who was so self-conscious? Even my twin sister seemed full of confidence as we moved around.

We were on teams of three for the day, as usual. I was paired with Jasmine and Mikayla, who I got along with pretty well. We were on vault. We started on the Tumble Track, which is basically a runway made out of trampolines. We did some simple flips, getting warmed up. The assistant coach, Megan, called us over to the vault. She explained what we'd be working on for the day.

The first run, we all kind of tanked. Now that we were getting older, falling actually began to hurt a little bit. As a kid, I could flip and fall day and it was just like playing. Now, I got bruises if I wasn't careful. Megan gave me some corrections and I nodded.

I walked back and took a few breaths, thinking about her words. I rose up on my toes, stepped back with my right foot (for good luck), and ran full-speed towards the vault. As I vaulted into the air and twisted, I felt myself get a little dizzy. I landed short, falling on my butt. My body felt more like a rag-doll instead of like I had full control over it. I let out an "oooof".

"You okay?" I asked, seeing her rush over. I said yes and immediately began to get up, but felt really dizzy. Then I felt my stomach churn. I couldn't stop it from coming. I puked all over the mat. I heard Jasmine and Mikayla let out a disgusted sound as I covered my mouth.

"It's okay, Mia," Megan told me. "Jasmine! Come help Mia to the bathroom."

Jasmine jogged over and put her arm around me. She walked me over to the door, where Pippa met me. The coach found some paper towels and cleaner. I felt badly she was cleaning it up. Jasmine smiled at Pippa as she handed me off to her.

"It's okay," she assured me as she let me to the bathroom. "Do you need to throw up any more?"

I shook my head as I felt hot tears sting my eyes. I hated throwing up. Pippa turned on the faucet for me and I rinsed my mouth out, then washed my hands. She grabbed some toilet paper from the first stall and handed it to me so I could blow my nose.

I didn't want to go back out and face anybody, so I just leaned against the wall, taking breaths. Pippa stood next to me but didn't say anything.

"Mia...what have you eaten today?" she asked.

"A banana and some Cheerios," I reported. It was 2:00 in the afternoon. She sighed.

"Mia, your father and I have talked to you, Carmen has talked to you, and you've got warnings from your doctor and your coach. What more is it going to take?"

"I just got a little dizzy!" I told her, trying to brush it off. Truthfully, it scared me a little bit. That had never happened to me before.

"Alright," she said, pushing herself all the way to standing. "Go put on your sweats. We're going to the hospital."

I knew my eyes bugged. "What?"

"You heard me," she said sternly. I'd never heard this tone before. "Nothing seems to be getting through to you, so let's go get an IV."

I sighed. "Pippa, that's not necessary."

"I disagree," she told me. "Your dad warned you. I'm done with this. Let's go."

Out of shock and not knowing what else to do, I complied. I found my gym bag and slipped on my track pants and hoodie. I followed her silently out the door and stayed a couple steps behind her. Was she bluffing?

She wasn't. Soon, we were at an immediate care center. I heard her on the phone with my dad. She was telling on me? Dad was gonna be pissed at me. As we were waiting, I saw dad walk in, looking concerned. He sat in the empty chair next to me, resting his elbows on his thighs. I crossed my arms, hoping he wasn't going to say anything. I didn't want to hear it.

Unlike my sister, I cared if dad was upset with me. Eva seemed to have some kind of armor on her. I didn't like going against what my dad said, but this had been important. Somehow, dad saying nothing was worse than him yelling at me.

The nurse called me back, and Dad and Pippa followed. I stepped onto the scales. I'd lost two pounds, which made me happy. I bit my lip because I knew that would not make Dad happy. The nurse took my blood pressure and pulse.

The doctor came in and talked to my dad mostly. I kept quiet, silently resigned to my fate. He said I looked slightly malnourished. I thought that was an exaggeration. I saw the nurse preparing the IV and I started to tear up. I hated needles.

"Daddy..." I called, holding out my hand. He paused for a moment, and I could tell he was mad. But, he was still my dad. He held my hand and I looked away as the nurse prepped then poked my arm. I started to feel cold as the IV fluid was pumped into me. I felt sleepy.

Afterwards, Dad called us a cab. He kept a hand steady behind my back as we walked into the apartment building. I just wanted to go to bed and sleep, and he let me. I slept throughout the evening and into the morning.

____

The next day I woke up and I was starving. After a few days, I'd been able to block the feeling out. Like my body was getting used to it. After using the restroom, I wandered out to the kitchen and fixed myself a bowl of cereal. Everyone else must have already been up and going about their days, except for Dad. We didn't talk as I ate.

When I was nearing the bottom of my bowl, Dad set his mug down on the table and sat with me. His fingers stroked the mug as he stared into it, thinking.

"You're done with gymnastics," he told me simply. I let my spoon drop into the bowl and I stared at him. Surely he couldn't be serious.

"What?" I asked softly. He looked at me and we locked eyes.

"I warned you," he said. "I said if you didn't eat, you'd get an IV, and the next step would be no more gymnastics. You've proven you can't handle this responsibility."

"But Dad!" I said, feeling panicked. "The championship is in a couple weeks! I've been working so hard for this!"

"You've been putting your health in jeopardy, is what you've been doing," he looked at me seriously. "And I'm not putting up with it. You're done."

I stood up, my chair dragging loudly against the floor. "No I'm not!"

I could feel my fists clench in frustration. There were tears in my eyes. Dad's voice was calm and flat.

"You can join again in a few months if you can get yourself healthy," he said as he stood up. He went to the sink to rinse out his mug. I was silent for several long moments, just seething. Why did adults get to control my life? This was my body. No one else's.

"You can't do this to me," I said, emotion filling my voice. He looked at me and I could tell this was hurting him, too. But he wasn't the one having to give up his favorite thing.

"You can go to your room," he said. I shoved the chair roughly into the table and stormed off, slamming the door. I collapsed onto my bed and just cried. My world was ending.