Best of Women

Carmen

Paco cried out for the second time that evening.  I guess it was my motherly instinct, but I always woke up right away.  I scrubbed a hand over my face and began to push myself up to seated when I felt a hand on my arm.

"Go back to sleep," Sebastian whispered to me.

I looked over at him, surprised, as he got out of bed and went to go pick up Paco.  He didn't need to tell me twice.  I laid back down and was almost immediately asleep again.

The alarm went off around 7:00 as usual.  The third bathroom was basically designated as mine, Sebastian's and Paco's.  I was almost always first up. I had to wash my hair and dry it and that always took longer.  Reluctantly, I crawled out of bed and grabbed some fresh undies and a towel.  Soon, I was underneath the hot, rejuvenating water.

I looked down at my body.  I'd just been getting used to basically being in an adult's body when Paco had happened.  They didn't tell you how babies could wreck you.  My boobs were huge and my nipples were tender and irritated from breastfeeding.  I felt like my stomach still looked disgusting.  The skin and muscles were still adjusting from the stretching.  I looked away quickly, not wanting to see the stretch marks.  Sebastian assured me he thought I looked beautiful, but I didn't believe him.

I wrapped my hair up in another towel, then crept back into the bedroom.  Paco was just starting to wake up, making his slightly annoyed baby sounds.  I scooped him up, opened up my robe, and began to feed him as I walked around, picking out my clothes for the day.

Another day was ahead of me.  Most days, I operated on auto-pilot.  Get up, feed Paco, have a few minutes with him, then power through an exhausting school day.  I was living on caffeine at this point.  Hunter was pretty challenging anyway, without having a baby on top of it.  I was barely getting through.

Online school was starting to look better and better.  I longed for not having to sit through lectures when I could be at home with Paco instead.  My friends had drifted away, so it's not like I was enjoying the social aspect of high school.  They'd tried to be supportive, but now my priorities had changed.  All they wanted to do was sneak into clubs and oogle over cute guys.  I was just trying to make it through life.

I'd started eating lunch in the library, where there was some peace and quiet.  I'd scarf it down and then take a quick nap in the stacks.  The librarian and I had an understanding.  She'd taken pity on me when I was pregnant.  I'd spilled my whole situation with her about my parents and she'd been super sweet about it.

When 6th period rolled around, I started to feel nauseous.  As my teacher was going on and on about the Civil War, I got that feeling.  You know it - the feeling when you know you're about to puke.  My hand flew to my mouth and I didn't even bother asking the teacher permission to leave.  She wouldn't want me puking in her classroom.  I luckily made it to the bathroom just in time.  I heaved over the toilet, and out came my lunch.

I rinsed my mouth in the sink and dabbed at my eyes, which had started watering.  I knew I couldn't make it through the end of the day, so I walked down to the nurse's office.  She had me lay down.

"I'll call your parents to see if it's okay with them for you to go home," she said gently.

I groaned and curled up into a ball.

"I don't live with them anymore.  Can you call Sebastian's Dad?"

"Sure," she said, and dialed up Lin's number.  They had a brief conversation and I was cleared to leave.  I got a pass back to class and gathered me things.  After stopping at my locker, I headed out.  I didn't think I could stomach the underground subway air, so I hailed a cab.