Bücherkiste

I want to hear it

Warnung: Suizidversuch Für alle, die das nicht mögen, bitte einfach überspringen, ich bin euch nicht böse. ^-^ (Englisch, auch wer das nicht mag, schön dich kennengelernt zu haben und hab noch ein schönes Leben <3)

One sunny, but cold morning, and I am sitting in my class room. As every day. Every goddammit day I sit here, wondering what I am actually here for. Our teacher is talking, but I am not listening to him. Suddenly, he mentions the word Decision. I get pulled out of my daily dreams and stare at him. Could he know? „Who of you ever made an important decision? What was it about?“, he asked. I grinn bitterly, leaning back in my chair. He notices and suggests: „What about you, Annabell? Ever made an important decision?“ „Of course.“, I respond, „One, that changed my life.“ „Well, go on, then. Tell us!“ He doesn’t understand. „You don’t want to hear it.“ „I want.“, he replies, looking into my eyes. My grin gets even bigger, while I’m saying: „Alright. But don’t be scared. You wanted to hear it.“ He nodds, and the class is quiet now. I take a deep breath and start: „There was this one day. This bad day. I had this feelings for years, but this day was just- horrible. Everything went wrong. I got to the point where I knew, nobody needs me, and nobody cares about me. So I decided. Deep inside me, I knew, I actually decided years ago, and this day was the last thing I needed. So, there I stood, in the heavy rain, on the wrong side of the bridge, staring down in the water. Nobody else was there, I was quite lucky. You know, you may not believe it, but I was ready. I made my decision, so I just needed this one little step. The step to death. But, fool as I am, I waited one more moment. I wanted to enjoy the cold air flashing through my lungs once more, wanted to feel the rain on my closed eyes one more second. That was the mistake. I opened my eyes again, now completely willing to end my life, but it was to late. I got grabbed by someone, and he turned me around.
It was a boy, two or three years older than I was, and he stared into my eyes. ‚Whatever it is‘, he said, ‚it’s not that bad.‘ He didn’t understand, he didn’t know my story. I tried to get rid of him, but he was stronger than I was. He kept our eye contact, and whispered through the rain and wind: ‚Don’t. Just don’t.‘ He let go of my arms, and I thought he let me jump, but today I understand, he wouldn’t let go of me, if he didn’t know I won’t do it again. And I didn’t. I stared at him one more moment, and then everything broke. I fell to the ground, still one the wrong side of the bridge, but safe now, because of the boy’s words. I cried, cried like I never did before. The boy stayed, even more, he joined me on the other side of the bridge. He took me, lifted me up in the air and carried me onto the right side. And then, he hugged me. Hugged me, so tight like no one ever did before. We were both really wet now, because of the rain or my tears, I couldn’t tell. We stood there, him hugging me, for what felt like hours. And then, when I got a little calmer, he took me again, and carried me in his arms. Where, I didn’t know, and I didn’t care. For the first time in my life, I felt right. Completely right and wanted. He brought me to his house, where nobody except us were. He gave me a blanket and a cup of hot tea. I refused both, and he hugged me again. That was better that a million cups of tea. And then, he asked the question I was afraid to answer all the time: ,Why?‘ But I told him, told him every tiny little detail, which I never told anyone. He listen, without interrupting me. And when I finished, he looked into my eyes and said the most wonderful words I ever heard in my life: ,I’ll help you. Help you overcoming it.‘“ I end and silence falls over the room. Everybody is staring paralysed at me. My bitter grinn is now gone, I am quite angry. I didn’t want to tell them, but no, they had to hear it. „You wanted to commit… suicide?“, my teacher whispers.
I nodd, and reply sarcastically: „Most unlucky I didn’t succeed, don’t you think?“

Nachwort: So, erstmal danke an alle, die das gelesen haben, und danke an die liebe @-Notizbuch-, dass sie mir das ermöglicht hat. Ich weiß nicht, was ihr jetzt von mir denkt, aber glaubt mir, ihr kennt mich schon ein ganzes Stück besser als viele meiner „Freunde“. Ich habe diese Geschichte geschrieben, um mit mir selbst klarzukommen, und sie mit euch zu teilen, macht mich glücklich.

Autorin: Flame_Silver