Psycho 「Double B」

14

It was the next day.

Hanbin didn't want to look up, so he looked down. He didn't want to stare at the floor with its blueish-grey color, so he stared at his hands. They were calloused, rough and broad, but before all of that, they were the hands of a murderer - and Hanbin had allowed himself to forget that, even if it was for the short period of time he had laid in the warm arms of a broken man.

"Hey Hanbin."

Soonji's voice was tired and quiet, much different from her usual, seemingly happy-go-lucky tone. Yet he didn't look up, still stared at the dry flakes coming off of his skin, the back of his hand almost bloody. I have that blood on my hands. Suddenly, he felt the light touch of a small hand taking his. It was well moisturized, with clean nails and a healthy, pinkish flush to it. So he greeted Soonji, his voiced croaking and hoarse from the amount toxic smoke that had entered his lungs over the past few days. And just as he opened his mouth, barely getting Jiwon's name over his lips, Soonji interrupted him.

"Sorry buddy, but your voice sounds horrible and you reek of smoke. Please use the staff shower, I'll get some perfume ready for you and ask a coworker for spare clothes."

Paralyzed, Hanbin just blinked at the small woman in front of him, her eyes set firmly on his and even though dark circles drooped low under them, she managed to radiate a feeling that could be described as home. Faster than he could think, Hanbin wrapped his arms around her and buried his face in her shoulder out of shame for him to be standing in front of her like that.

He didn't say anything, so neither did she. Instead, she patted his back and waited until he slowly let go of her.

"Thank you."

"It's okay, Hanbin. I help when there's help needed. But," she yet again grabbed his arm very gently, but the look in her eyes more determined than ever," after you're finished, we have to talk."

And so they did.

His hair was still wet and dripping with hot water which had given Hanbin the feeling that it cleansed whatever that smoke had done to him away - he felt human again. Soonji was still all rosy cheeks and warm hands but worry seeped through her expression, threatening to overflow. And she was - and Hanbin had never seen her like that - nervous, her small hands wringing each other like she could squeeze all of that worry out of her. Yet she didn't say anything, just looked at him, waited for him to start, but he didn't know how. So he asked her what he should tell her about.

"That night. Whatever had happened for you to hit Jiwon like that. Start from the moment on thingd went wrong."

And so he did.

Told her everything except for Jiwon's past, told her how his eyes changed from loving to scared to a monster - and how he didn't couldn't deal with it. He told her that he was struggling, but didn't tell her his past. He said the words

"I am scared of him."

that pained Hanbin so much.

And while the words just stumbled right out of him, Soonji didn't say anything back, her worried gaze not changing to disgust once but instead focused on Hanbin. Once in a while she would nod and her hands would turn into fists; yet again when he finsihed and she asked one sole question.

"Where did you come from, Hanbin?"

He shook his head, knowing that this was not a world she should know about. (I don't want her to know that I'm a murderer.) But she took his bleeding, rough hand in her soft, steady one and kept their eye contact. Soonji lightly squeezed his hand in a motherly way Hanbin didn't recognize because he never experienced it.

"You need to tell me, Hanbin. I want to help you, but I need to see your bigger picture. Your whole picture."

And it did something to Hanbin's walls, the same way the poor prostitues had in the C-shop. But this time, they malfunctioned, shooting up. Higher than ever, bringing back that look of a killer in his eyes, yet breaking them down completely.
It brought anger upon him out of despair and fear that he had no choicest but show her that way.

Hanbin's hand slid out of her grasp an he leaned backwards until his back hit the chair he was sitting on. Suddenly, he wasn't the Hambin Soonji knew. His voice was cold.

"What if I told you I killed somebody?"

Soonji's eyes widened, but he didn't even give her a second to process.

"And not just one, but two, but so many that I lost count? That I sold drugs that I knew ruined lives and that I collected money from whores? That I am the epitomy of what should die out in this world and that I was this close," his upper body shot forward, followed by his legs and suddenly his black eyes drilled into hers, "to becoming the head of an organization that profits from death and misery of others."

He stepped back, sat down and looked at her, not able to hide his cynical grin. Though that grin masked his urge to cry at the shock in her eyes and his desire to hide his entire being from her, because he was disgusting.

The silence pained them, so Soonji spoke.

"I... I can't say you're a good person if you have done that. I can't condone it or tell you other than that's horrible. But I do know what I have seen the last few weeks.- Look at me, Hanbin."

And so he did.

"You are somebody that strives to leave thst behind. Otherwise you wouldn't be here. Otherwise you wouldn't have talked to Sungdo that way."

His eyebrows rose in wonder of how she could know.

"We talked. He's been recently opening up about his feelings and troubles and apparently you are one of them.
Nevertheless,
if you've left that part of your life behind the present, then I can help you. Have you?"

Suddenly, his throat was dry and he was all of that sentimental mess he had become while being at the facility.

" I'm working on it. I am doing it. I am trying to do it."

She nodded, and laid her hand on his shoulder. Hanbin didn't flinch, but laid his head on her hand with the bit of trust she had given him, offering it right back at her. And she took it, nodded with her head and helped Hanbin get up.

" Let's go to Jiwon."

And so they did.

Am i gonna do updates now that are a lot shorter than the ones before? Yes. Will this maybe stretch the story a bit in the sense that, there might be a lot more happening? Idk. Will I update more frequently? Idk. I should be studying biology. I feel the quality of my chapters is going downhill. Idc at this point, I want to write what's kinda fun and maybe fresh and I don't want to be pressed about this. Next chapter will be some serious talk between Jiwon and Hanbin and i don't really want to write it but i have to? Also sorry for the typos lmao.

Please give me intense critique so I know what to do. I mean it.
Ideas are also welcome because sis i am STUCK.

Stay sexy fresh.