The Things I'll Never Get To Say

#4

Losing you wasn't just painful,
it was fucking damaging.

It wasn't me sitting down on a couch,
surrounded by my friends as we watched movies
and ate food to make me try forgetting you.

It was me staying up at four in the morning
because the thought of you
filled every nook and cranny of my brain
that I couldn't close my eyes
without seeing your face and smile.

It was me feeling as heavy as lead
and blinking back tears every time I was in public,
the ache in my chest causing my breaths
to come out shaky rather than normal.

It was me laughing at things for no reason
as my stomach turned because
the urge to fall apart was getting stronger.

It was me crying at random hours during the day
and me not wanting to get out of bed.

It was me deleting our conversations
and regretting it 'cause now,
I can't go back to see where it had all gone wrong.

It fucking hurt, you leaving me hurt.

And I know I won't be able to forget
that kind of pain for the rest of my life.