Five days.
Tony has been avoiding me for five days. Or at least that's what Bree told me he's doing.
I denied it of course, I mean why would Tony avoid his destiny?
Sure he's been distant, he didn't reply nor respond to any of my 179 text messages and 88 missed calls, but he is not avoiding me.
Monday morning, when I came back to school, I saw him walking out of his car and tried to talk to him but he drop down and tied Elle's shoelaces for her, I'm sure he's not avoiding me. He's just so considerate he doesn't want her to trip and hurt herself but he is not avoiding me.
Or during PE class when we were running a 2.4km run, I tried to catch up to him and talk like we would normally do when the runs aren't timed, but he ran so fast like the devil was after him so I did what a good girl friend would do, I quickened my pace after him to ask if he is okay, but that only made him run faster.
We finished the run in under ten minutes and I got praised by our teacher for the first time in my life. That was actually really sweet of Tony to motivate me like that. I didn't even know I could run that fast. He just wants me to do better, but he is not avoiding me.
Tuesday came and whenever I see him and try to approach him, he's already gone and out sight before I could reach him, but I'm sure it's because of all the school work and club activity he has to do and not because he is avoiding me. Even if he is avoiding me, to go such great lengths and troubles just to do that, I'm flattered.
"Can't you see best friend? He's doing all these efforts just for me." I squealed unable to contain the excitement I share with the butterflies in my butterfly farm.
Bree continued to sip her juice and flipped through the page of whatever magazine she is reading, though I could tell she is not in the best mood at the aggression she's exerting to go through the poor paper.
"Bree," I tried to call her attention but she kept her eyes trained on the pages.
"Bree," I continued in a sing-song voice but she kept ignoring me.
Fed up, I took a deep breath and yelled in the middle of the cafeteria on a Wednesday afternoon. "Bree!"
"Will you shut your mouth?!" Bree replied with the same intensity, I had no other choice but to sit back down and pout like a child.
"I just wanted to talk to you about this but you don't look like you even care about how I feel anymore." I muttered and tears form in my eyes and threatened to fall.
"Don't you dare cry Ria," Bree warned in a stern voice and I did all I could do not to let them fall, but goddamn it's so hard. "I'm not doing anything to you, I swear to god if you cry-"
She did not get to finish her sentence and muttered a string of curse words as the dam broke and the tears flooded my angelic face.
"You're ignoring me! You don't love me anymore, you're fed up with me and wish I would just die in some hole somewhere since it's not entirely impossible with the kind of stupidity I possess." I wiped my tears and snot on the bottom of her shirt when she came over my side and tried to place a hand over my mouth. I know she decided against it because she hates it when her hands touch dirty things and right now, I probably look dirty with snot running down my nose.
"You've told me a million times that he doesn't and would never love me, and he's only trying to find some time and words that wouldn't hurt as much before he rejects me. And he's been avoiding me and I'm annoying and I should just leave him and everyone alone but I can't. Even if I haven't tried it, I can't."
I kept going and going for a good five minutes, mostly just accusing Bree that she doesn't love me anymore and such and I guess she kind of maybe got a little annoyed and I kind of maybe am getting a little redundant with my monologue that she decided enough is enough and smack me in the head.
"Well, I was going to suggest that you try to live without obsessing over Tony but after that spiel, I highly doubt I could even get that ingrained in you." Bree said sounding completely out of ideas. She can't be out of ideas, that's just out of character. I need help, fast.
"It's not obsessing, it's loving him. From afar." I claimed with indignation. I bet she has never loved anyone as much as I love Tony, the kind of love that is life changing. "Bree, it's easy for others to judge and say I'm being stupid over this. Heck, I get that, I really do." I had to justify myself over that, Bree's giving me that look, the look that says she doesn't believe I get what she is saying.
"But I'm not listening to me. My heart and mind don't want to yield, I don't think I want to give up either. I understand that a yet should follow that, I don't want to give up yet, but this—" I pointed to where my heart and brain should be located at according to anatomy class. "Both of them are yelling I don't want to give up ever."
Bree let out a sigh, and I guess that's the signal for 'I have just exactly what you need to do in this kind of situation.' At least, I hope it is because I don't know what to do anymore. The desire to overcome, to get to where exactly I want to be, is burning inside me and I strongly believe I won't survive if I ever lose Tony.
"I might never understand this love you claim whatever this is to be. I can go on and on trying to make you see that is not love, but who am I to say? I don't even know what love is." Bree said in that understanding voice she always has when she sees me in tears. "How about I make you a deal, I'll try to see things in your perspective but in exchange, you have to see through mine too."
I furrowed my eyebrows at that. I'm not sure I'm understanding exactly what Bree is getting at and I guess I looked like a fish gasping for air because she decided to explain.
"That is, I'll try to learn love the way you feel it but you have to learn through my way too. Maybe somewhere in the process you'll learn a few tricks on how to let go." She said dismissing the matter entirely as she continued to eat her lunch and flip through the magazine she's been obsessing over.
Learn love through my sidekick's perspective? That doesn't sound too bad. I just have one qualm about it, did Bree just say that I need to learn now how to let go?
But that's preposterous, let go when Tony and I are destined from the start.
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How to be a Bida
Romancebida n. protagonist, hero/heroine a: the principal character in a literary or dramatic work who is typically identified with good qualities, and with whom the reader is expected to sympathize. b: a person admired for having done something ver...