possible trigger warning
oh?
you thought my smiles were true
funny
it's rare i have a true smile
or a true laugh.
i go day in
and
day out
without letting them know
i'm fucking broken
it's all pretend
not like anyone cares enough
to pay attention
i always end up crying
once my head hits my pillow
the tears start to fall
and i overthink
everything
i know one day you'll leave
they all do
i've lost every damn friend
who ever said
they'd stay
it's like there's a
countdown
in my head
to many happy days
i know something shitty
is coming
someone's going to leave
it's just a matter of time
i'm not gonna fucking survive
not if i lose you.
i cry
i cry
and
i fucking cry
that's all i do
no one knows how broken
i really am
i'm scared no one will want me
around if they know
i'm so scared
and i'm sorry
i know my spams are annoying
i know i'm annoying
i can't help it
i've been ignored
thrown out
pushed aside
i've always been a second choice
i know i'm not your first choice
i keep crying
my voice keeps fucking breaking
i almost relapse
it's been years
i've been clean for years
years
yet this life is getting worse
i wanna just disappear
but i smile
i pretend
you have no clue do you dear?
i don't wanna die
i just wanna disappear
for a few days
to see if anyone really cares
if anyone would even notice that
i'm missing
i don't know who i am
never have
i'm just gonna smile
and pretend
day in and
day out
i'll pretend
