I Don't Love You II Jess Mariano

Chapter 4 - It's ours

"there is always that space there
just before they get to us
that space
that fine relaxer
the breather [...]

- It's Our (Charles Bukowski)

Jess

" Stop "

" I'm not even doing anything "

" You're staring at her. "

Jess raised an eyebrow at his cousin who, despite denying it, was still focused on the blonde girl sitting by the desk sorting through books and cataloguing them.

" She's cute. I'm just wondering how long it's gonna take until you work your charm on her and inevitable scare her off. " April replied before focusing her attention back on the carton of chinese takeout in her lap.

" That was one time and it's not my fault. It was a misunderstanding. "

" Okay Casanova, I'm just sayin' maybe don't hump and dump this one if you don't want to do the paperwork yourself. " she exclaimed in mock defence, stuffing another piece of spicy broccoli into her mouth.

" It was one time. " Jess replied, shaking his head and getting off the couch. " Now if you excuse me, I need to get back to work. We can't all be college students who eat-pray-love our way through life, giving smart ass comments where they aren't necessary. "

As he was about to walk through the door of his office, April's voice made Jess stop in his way.

" Low blow cuz. I am a hardworking student, you do know that right ?! Low blow, and just as I was about to tell you that Rory asked about you after you left last night. "

There it was again, the sinking feeling deep in his guts that Jess hated with a burning passion. It always came back whenever someone as much as mentioned her name, no matter how hard he tried to ignore it. He wasn't over her and as much as he hated it, he couldn't deny it.

He despised the feeling, so much so that he had tried to numb it in various kinds of ways. Years ago when she'd pulled that act at the open house and left him heartbroken, he'd tried to drink away that awful feeling. Had tried to drown in it cheap liquor until it had gotten so bad, Matthew and Chris had called for an intervention threatening to kick him out of the business if he didn't get himself together. He'd hated that version of himself, it had been an embarrassing time and he was glad the boys were there to call him out and get him back on track.

But then a few weeks ago, when he'd ended up at the Hollow again, in her new office. When they'd talked and she'd opened up to him about her struggles and the fact that Logan was still somehow, kinda in the picture, he had reverted back to the self destructive version of himself again.

Only this time he hadn't found comfort in alcohol. This time he'd found comfort in the arms of a girl he knew full well had been adoring him ever since they had hired her. It was far from a gentleman's move and he felt kinda bad about using her the way he had, but he was sad and she was there and he had needed some distraction, something that didn't remind him of Rory.