I Don't Love You II Jess Mariano

Chapter 5 - Dreams

"Hold fast to dreams
For if dreams die

Life is a broken-winged birdT

hat cannot fly.

- Dreams (Langston Hughes)

Olivia

Olivia's eyes opened slowly to the sunlight shining onto her face through the flimsy curtains of the apartment above Truncheon books. The tiny couch she had fallen asleep on the night before was everything but comfortable and every bone in her body was aching something awful.

Jess and her had stayed up way into the night, talking a bit but mostly just sitting, smoking and giving each other silent company. It was a weird situation but It didn't feel uncomfortable or awkward. No, it felt like the two of them understood each other on a confusing level. Maybe misery likes being shared.

Just as her eyes got used to the light, the door the the apartment opened and a disheveled looking Jess walked in, arms loaded with paper bags and coffee cups.

" Morning " Olivia greeted him, voice laced with sleep and exhaustion.

" Hey, got us breakfast. I didn't know what you want so I got a bit of everything " Jess responded and spread out the contains of the paper bags on the table in the tiny kitchen / dining area.

There was everything from bagels to muffins to pancakes.

" Did you rob the place ? "

" Uh no, I just - I know some people can be pretty particular about their breakfast habits so I got a bit of everything. "

" Particular huh ? "

" Yup "

" Hmm ... well I hate eggs. Love bacon. Waffles over pancakes but pancakes over french toast. " Olivia replied and sat down at the kitchen table.

" Huh. I got you coffee too, it's plain black but I think there's milk in the fridge and sugar in the cabinet. "

" Oh yeah lots of milk, no sugar "

The next few minutes were spent in an awkward silence as they prepared their plates and coffees. Somewhere between awkward and comfortable in a weird limbo of eating breakfast with basically a stranger but also the person you told one of your biggest secrets to the night before.

" Tell me about her ? "

" Huh ? "

" The girl you're writing the book about "

" What's there to tell ? " Jess murmured, making Olivia regret bringing up the topic a little bit. He had just started talking more than one-word answers to her and there she went and ruined it again apparently.

" Well clearly if she's got you this worked up there must be something about her ".

Olivia watches, as a vary of emotions crosses Jess' face. It seems like he's trying to focus on something. Put something into words. Something that is so close and clear he can almost touch it, feel it. Almost.

But it's just far enough to be out of reach.

" Have you never told anyone about her ? "

" No I have. Sure I have. But they know her, usually. Or they know our history or whatever. "

Traveling a lot meant that Olivia was never able to really grow attached to people. She wasn't given enough time to build meaningful relationships where you share secrets and backstories. So she couldn't really relate to Jess in this situation. She wondered what it felt like being surrounded by people who know you. From stories and experiences and memories. Not from the basic introduction you've repeated a million different times to a million different people at a million different places.