Blue Fire

Epilogue - Stuck

GREEN

Being here isn't what it used to be. Being Wilder isn't what it used to be.

Half the club left us after we made it clear what Stark had done, Catcher was voted in as President by those who stayed and once again I climbed in rank. But I didn't care about that much. I had a girl to take care of.

In the months following Stark getting life, Catcher was unstoppable. He hunted down whatever perceived slight the club had ever gotten and made them pay, he spent endless hours in the shop, upgrading equipment and getting orders filled.

He was a changed man. A man who had no life anymore other than making the Wilder Angels into something he wanted it to be, even if that was unattainable.

He was rarely at the compound, always in Church going over shit with Heat or me. I didn't know if he ever slept, where he did it and for how long but it seemed like nowhere, never and nothing.

Sara was in hospital for five months. She was fucked up beyond belief, that was basically what Dr. Michaels said to me, in different words, when I got out of jail and could go see to her. They had to put her in a medically induced coma as they operated on her ankle, and her privates. Her state of complete apathy when I was with her in that room was induced by stress, but when she came to at the hospital she'd apparently had a panic attack loud enough to knock herself out. After that they put her down and kept her down so her body had a chance to heal. When she came to again... Yeah.

She was changed, infinitely so. The sight of me scared her, people seemed to scare her in general. She was in a way like a feral animal, like a being that was incapable of reasoning with her surroundings so she resorted to fear and panic. Pile was the only one she tolerated and he did little else but stay with her day and night. Pile was barely a brother anymore since he spent so much time with her. Of course, he was still a brother, but he was hers.

Me, she started crying and screaming when seeing.

She hasn't seen her daughter in a year.

I'm not even sure if she knows she has one... if she remembers it at all.

Julie turned one this week and neither of her parents remembered or attended the little celebration I had them do. Layla baked a cake, Luke, Shift, Rilo, Tank and Rough bought her presents. It was pathetic but I figured the girl would want a first birthday party since her mom and dad had so few.

Now, Sara's locked up in a house Catch bought for her in the mountains, she still doesn't speak... at least not to me.

And I'm taking care of Julie.

I moved into Sara's room and I spend what time I can with her whilst I'm trying to figure out how to fix all of this. I found her a daycare, I drive her to and from it whenever I can and other days Layla does it.

We're broken. The club, the family, the spirit.

Sona and her kids haven't been seen since Catcher gathered them up and told them what Stark did. She sold the house and they were gone, nowhere to be seen in Colorado.

I...I'm drowning.

I'm drowning in a one-year old little girl who's so beautiful she makes my eyes hurt but who's about to start talking and probably needs schooling and neither of her parents want to talk about her existence at all. I'm drowning in Catcher trying to work himself to death. I'm drowning in Sara being broken beyond repair and the consuming need I have to get her back to herself.

But... Live free, ride wilder.