It’s been two months since Darcy told me she’s pregnant, but I have no idea how and it still haunts me every day and breaks my heart even more. I mean, I’m happy for her if she’s happy about having this baby, but I’m torn because I thought that this time it’d be my child, but it’s not once again.
One night, she came home and looked like she was about to give up on life. She was screaming, crying and she seemed as if she had lost her mind. That night, I took care of her, even if it was terrifying to see that she didn’t want me touching her at all or even giving her a hug to comfort her.
When I asked why, she didn’t reply, she just said she needed time alone. So that’s what I gave her. She told me to take care of Harold and bring him on a little holiday for a few days, then come back when we get the call from her.
When she learned she was pregnant, that’s when she told me her secret. She told me she got raped. I didn’t know what to do or what to say, I felt horrible. I blamed myself for not being there for her when she needed me.
Ever since, she didn’t go out alone. She made sure I was there or Harold was with her. If she had to go alone, then she would make herself look “ugly” as she said, but to me, she was always beautiful and she always had been.
I didn’t like to remind her about that night, but whenever she’d start talking about it, she would always end up having a breakdown and I don’t blame her.
Darcy has been through so much in her life and it still amazes me how she never gave up, she’s always been strong. She told me she used to cut until she got Harold and since we’ve been living together. She’s also attempted a few times, but admitted that Baby Harry is keeping her alive still. She had eating disorders, family problems, etc…
Whenever she talked about all her problems to me, I felt horrible because I didn’t know how I could help her, but I tried my best.
“You there?” I heard a voice say, interrupting my thoughts.
“Huh? Sorry, babe what is it?”
“I’m ready, let’s go.”
“Don’t wanna be late for your ultrasound.”
I drove her to the doctor’s and we waited in the room. When they called her name, I took Harold on my lap and started talking to him, even if I knew he could barely understand me.
“Harry?”
I looked up to find Eleanor standing in front of me with Louis by her side, holding a baby.
“Oh hi. What are you guys doing here? It’s been so long…”
“Is that yours?” Lou asked.
“Daddy, who’s that?” Little Haz asked.
“That’s Lou little one.” I whispered.
“Well um…how’ve you been keeping?” I asked Lou.
“He’s been good, very good actually.” Eleanor said.
“No Eleanor, that’s why we’re here,. Stop saying random things to Harry.”
“What happened Lou?”
“Eleanor’s pregnant with our second child and as for me…well I…”
“Lou, babe. Stop! We don’t want a lot of people to know right?”
“El, stop it babe, besides it’s only Harry.”
Lou started doing a signal with his thumb to me and Eleanor stared at her.
Right, it’s the signal! Our own secret code thing we used to have. How could I have forgotten for a moment there?
I did the signal back to him and it was just using our thumbs and moving it, but it meant “I love you.”
We’ve always been using it since we became good friends, to remind each other that this friendship will never end.
“Alright, let’s go, we’re going to be late to Tanya’s birthday party, Michelle wouldn’t like that.”
“We’ll catch up sometime mate, I’m leaving town for a few days though.” Lou whispered and gave me a card, his business card.
I can’t believe how much have changed. Louis using the signal made me feel happy though, as if he was reminding me that even if we haven’t talked in what seemed like forever, we were still friends.
As soon as Louis and Eleanor left, Darcy’s appointment finished as well. She told me her baby was going to be a girl and she was due for the 24th of June. It’s only March right now, but it seemed to be closer than expected to me.
