<pre style="line-height: 17px; white-space: normal; color: #2a2a2a; font-size: 13px;">Exams were coming up and so was summer. That wasn't a good thing, in a way. I was letting myself go. I didn't feel like doing anything or going anywhere, I didn't feel like doing anything at all. I just wanted to sleep all the time.
My sisters weren't over anything, but they were definitely stronger than me. After learning that my sister cuts, I talked to her about it and made her promise she wouldn't do it ever again.
I had already lost two very important people, a part of me and I for sure didn't want to lose another piece of me. If everyone I love started to leave, then in the end I'd be nothing.
When I told her that, she cried for hours on my shoulder. She was blaming everything on herself, but I told her it would be okay. She somehow knew that I was getting myself into trouble too, she learned about me smoking, even if it was only one cigarette. When my grandparents found out about my drinking habits getting worse and coming back, they didn't let me go out for days. I had nervous breakdowns and it was hard to study, but I somehow managed.
Everything that was happening in my life got me questioning where the love was and why I was still here.
I lost friends over time. Harry didn't talk at all in class. He was going crazy and I could tell. I was going insane too. I couldn't bring myself to get anywhere near him.
My teachers tried to help me, nobody was able to. All I had left was just a bit of hope but I still needed an escape. That was just when I started cutting myself and I had stopped eating. I was being a horrible example because I knew that my sister would cut too, but I didn't care. I was selfish.
Summer came, nothing changed. I got a job at the amusement park of our city. It wasn't fun staying in the sun the whole day, but I would do it anyway. Whenever I earned money, the only way I'd spend it, was by going clubbing and getting very drunk every night. Afterwards, I'd smoke some weed then get cigars then sleep out. I didn't even go home anymore. I hadn't seen my sisters or grandparents in months.
My summer went by quite fast and when it was time to go back to school, I wasn't ready at all but I tried forgetting everything. I was getting good grades for the sakes of my parents. I didn't see Harry anymore, but that made me feel good, because I felt guilty whenever I saw him.
After finally finishing my last year of high school, it was prom. Over the years I had changed a lot. I went from a nice sweet boy to a nerd to a drunk addict to the swag masta.
In my last year of high school, I didn't drink as much or smoke. I would find other ways to get my anger out. I didn't live with my grandparents anymore, as they had both passed away within the years. My sisters refused to live with me too because they didn't recognize their brother anymore. I wouldn't blame them tough, because even I didn't know who I was anymore.
Despite the fact that I regretted not spending enough time with my family, I now am a better person. Well I mean, only in my education. I still worked but, I lived alone in an apartment.
There's a week left to prom and I still didn't have a date. As much as I wanted to ask my high school crush, I still hadn't. The truth that nobody knew; I was scared. I knew for a fact that nobody liked me. I didn't have friends and every single person who ever heard of me thought I was a psycho, but that's only because I've turned into such a bad kid at such a young age. I mean, nobody would expect boys or girls to start drinking, smoking, living alone, working, clubbing, etc when they aren't even 18 yet. In other words, I had down all of that, when I was only 15 or 16.
I am Louis William Tomlinson and I am not at all your average teenager.
Days was going by fast. I was excited even if not a very fun summer was waiting for me.
I kept making eye contact in class with that beautiful girl. she was much taller than when I had first seen her, on our very first day of high school. Now it's been over three years and all along she's been my crush, but I didn't tell her. We've just been friends in grade 7 and 8. In grade 9, that's when things happened and ever since we hadn't talked again. Well, not at school at least. I mean, she only talked to me online, but that's about it. Over time, our conversation has run dried and then I was torn.
I disconnected myself from all the social network after that. Then, in grade 10, she was in my class again and we only talked whenever we had group projects.
I had her number, but I didn't text her. It's hard for girls when they like a guy, but sometimes it's even worse for us, guys. Everyone is different and some might have the guts to do it, others may not. I was one of them. I would never be able to.
I sat in class and waited for the bell to go out for lunch. Then, I went to sit in the cafeteria. This was going to be my last time ever. After that, we have exams. Today was Senior Prank Day and everyone in my grade decided to pull pranks on everyone in our school. I found it ridiculous and didn't even dare take part. Yeah they'd make fun of me for that, but that's not my kind of fun.
School was never a fun part of my life or maybe it's because I never made an effort to make it fun. The only fun I'd have was whenever I went clubbing. I guess another reason, is because well I was depressed 90% of the time, so getting high and drunk made me forget and made me do stupid things which I didn't care about at all.
Everyone sitting in the cafeteria was young. There were no seniors around. I noticed a girl in the little place where they sell food though and I realized it was Stephanie. It might've been a coincidence that my crush was the only 12th grader here along with me.
To my surprise, she sat next to me.
"Hey Lou, it's been a while."
When I heard her voice, it was the first time in days that my missing smile came back.
I was speechless. I couldn't help but smile and just stare at her beautiful eyes.
"Remember me?" she asked, looking at me in the eyes.
"Yeah, how've you been? I..." I wanted to admit that I missed her and tell her how much I liked her, but I stopped myself from telling her.
"Great, it's been so long. Lou I know stuff happened, I mean it's Ben years but hey the past is past and it's already happened now. Nothing can change it, just learn from it."
"Thanks." I said.
"I missed you Louis and I want you back, the old you. I wish all this didn't happen. I know we didn't talk in so long, but I still remember you and I kinda loved having you as a close friend. Can I have my best friend back?"
I had mixed emotions. I didn't know what to say or think. I felt a tear on my cheek and I turned around to hide it.
"Hey babe, it's ok. I'm sorry. I'm giving you one more chance. Just please. Are you willing to try again too? Please Louis..."
She grabbed my face and turned it. She lifted my chin up, wiped the tears and gave me a warm hug. I think that was all I need. It has been so long and I did not expect that. To my surprise, I felt a lot better.
We skipped class and stayed in the cafeteria pretty much the whole day and we just talked.
Then right before I left, she asked me if I was going to prom. I told her I had to think about it. She told me she was going with her boyfriend, Stanley. I was torn again, but I didn't want that to upset me.
The good thing was that she was back and I got another chance to get her back. Even if she was taken, I wanted to do something that would make me get her.
"Have fun at prom. I probably won't see you until prom unless I don't go, then I won't see you again."
She left after giving me a warm hug. "Did your number change?" I said no and she just left with a smile. I stood there with all my books and my half-eaten sandwich. I watched her as she walked away and then I went home.
I took a long shower and went to bed, even if it wasn't night yet. </pre>
