Is that all it'll ever be ... I don't think I'll ever escape my past maybe some but not all And it always has to be the worst memories that haunt me too That's where the demons really get into my head and really fucking mess with me ... !! And It feels like they'll never leave ... Tormenting me over and over and over agin because I'm messing up and they're encouraging me to fail and to be nothing and to end it all END IT ALL ... they scream at me and laugh and shout and Yell Until I cant take it anymore and I d k what to do ... and I'm scared because one day it'll get to the point where I will end it all I'll END IT ALL End everything and I'll exist nomore. And then that feeling of not existing starts to sound really good and your just to tired to cry to tired to talk to tired to walk or run or gasp for air you just want it all to .....STOP !!!
Your brain the thoughts the urge the feeling of wanting nothingness and to feel okay but being just okay isn't enoughhh ALL OF IT HAS TO go AWAY !! So I scratch and itch and scratch and you finally see blood spill but there's no feeling so you dig more and more until you feel something ...some sort of remorse for urslef... and then.....
that's it ...you wake up "happy" the next day a pretend like nothing ever happened... is this all I'll ever be ...!?
