Tyler's Angel-Book One-A Joshler Fanfic

19

Josh's POV

   I stood in the waiting room, pacing back and forth as they took the boy I loved through the double doors to operate. I could barely breathe and I couldn't sit down even though I felt light headed and started to go numb.
   I realized then that I had been silently crying the whole time as well and finally came to the conclusion that I was having a severe anxiety attack.
   I called Jenna.
   No answer
   I glanced up at the clock on the wall,
3am
   No wonder she hadn't picked up.
   I left a voicemail,
   "Jenna...I dont know what to do they took Tyler to the back to operate saying something about his heart and theywonttellmewhatsgoingon...I cant breathe and I'm trembling and I dont know how to fix it...I just want him safe...with me...i-..."
   I put 2 and 2 together and realized she would be headed for school in the morning and that she had said something about a test. I knew she wouldn't be able to come tonight or tomorrow so I ended the message there.

   5 hours later the doctor walked up to me with a very grave and concerned look in his eyes that was hidden behind his smile.
   I turned around,still pacing with my arms folded, trembling and drawing in ragged breaths.
   I saw the doctor walking towards me and my heart nearly stopped. I froze for a few seconds,right where I was and I  couldn't do anything to make myself move. I snapped myself out of it and practically ran to the doctor and began questioning him.
   The doctor -Mr. Wolfe- looked down at his folder,then back up to me.
   "Hello there Josh, I know you must be very confused and worried for your friend Tyler but I want you to know that for the time being he is stablizing, but breathing on his own. See, Tyler has stress-induced cardiomyopathy or takotsubo cardiomyopathy. Meaning that he has been so stressed that it has actually cause his heart strings to break resulting in that heart attack-like episode that you witnessed. We did everything we can for now to make sure that no further 'attacks' will occur. The next few hours will be fairly critical and we will be keeping a close eye on him to make sure everything is going as planned. But uhm...Josh I am very concerned and I need to ask a few questions about Tyler..."

   Mr. Wolfe continued to question me about Tyler's home life and what he has to deal with on a daily basis,and how he got so beaten.
   I tried to answer his questions but instead I opted to tell him that these werent my stories to tell and that he would have to ask Tyler.

   As if on que Jenna rushed in with her hair pulled up in a giant tangle of curls on top of her head,and tears staining white streaks along her otherwise rosy cheeks.
   She saw me and immediately rushed towards us, shoving a plate of leftovers covered in plastic wrap into my hands, and hugged me tightly crying into my bomber jacket. I wrapped my arms around her, feeling protective.
   She grabbed my hand and walked us over to the couch pulling me down beside her. Then releasing my hand she asked,
   "How is he holding up?"
   I filled her in on everything the doctor had told me, and every other small update I had gotten about him,that lead him to this point.
   Jenna nodded thinking deeply while looking at the floor, swallowed, then turned towards me and asked,
   "Okay...and how've you been? Have you eaten or showered recently? Have you been sleeping at all?"
   I told her I was fine but she wasnt having any of it,she had learned a long time ago how to see through my lies.
   She shook her head at me,
   "No,you dont get to give me the same lie that you tell everyone else so they'll leave you alone...I'm here till the end and I mean it. You can tell me the truth even if you're afraid of hurting me or making me sad...I'm not going anywhere"
   I smiled at her kindness and honesty, but cradled my head in my hands, trying to get my breathing under control. Once I had, I spoke up,
   "I havent eaten since the last time you stopped by...maybe a week ago? A-and I showered two days ago I think.....last night I slept for maybe 20 minutes and then woke up just before Tyle-"
   I stopped to breathe again and Jenna scooted closer to me and placed her hand on my shoulder.
   I inhaled shakily,and continued,
   "...so to answer your question...I've been struggling...and I wish he would see how much I care for him...I wish he would realize that I love him...and I wish that I were enough for him...enough for him to stop hurting himself...im not mad exactly...just upset because I love him and hate to see him hurt...but I'm not good enough Jenna...no matter how many times you,or anyone else,tell me otherwise there are still all those years of being screamed at...being told I'm awful and that I'm better off dead.....not to mention what Brendon tried to do the other day...as if he hadn't done enou-"
   I almost cursed,wishing I wouldnt have said that last part as Jenna interrupted me,
   "Wait,what did he do Josh...? This doesn't have to do with what he did to you that one time...does it?..."
   After a few minutes of silence she asked again and I decided to tell her,
   "...y-yeah...about that...uhm...Jenna...he invited me over to his house one night...I ran outside and got to Tyler and we left as quickly as possible...so he couldn't do anything to me...at least...not again anyway..."
   Jenna looked horrified at the thought of what Brendon might've done. I saw the look on her face, and my stomach began to churn with the memories and I thought  I might throw up...

|Flashback|
   I sat in Brendon's car in the driveway and he invited me inside to watch some movies as we typically did. We had been dating for a little while,but I still wasn't very comfortable with him yet,especially since he got drunk often like my father.
   That night however, I could sense that something was off and I felt sick to my stomach...like something was going to go wrong...and I was hoping the feeling would go away...but it didnt.
   As he did every other night Brendon drank a whole bottle of wine by himself and had just started another one. He always offered some to me but I preferred not to,since I wanted to keep myself from doing something stupid.
   I sat on the couch with his head layed down in my lap as I played with his hair. He slowly sat up,getting another drink from his bottle which was now almost empty,and then turned to me cupping my face and kissing me deeply. I could taste the wine on his tongue and it was wonderful,but I knew he was drunk and that was my que to head home.
   I pulled away smiling and told him I loved him but that it was late and I should get home. He smirked deviously sending an unsettling chill down my spine.
   He stood and took my hand, whining "at leastake me 't bed first" he slurred. I nodded as he took my hand and lead me up the stairs.
   His speech always got a bit slurred,but he was always still so strong,he hardly ever got so drunk that he lost his ability to walk because his body had become fairly immune to the alcohol.
   Once we walked up the steps I heard Arctic Monkeys playing from the speakers in his room    
                                    ♡
  He pulled me onto the bed with him,as he climbed on top of me,kissing my lips and neck roughly.
   I asked him to stop, and then told him to but he wouldnt...he just kept going and going. I practically begged for him to stop but my words seemed to have the opposite effect on him, seeing as he only got rougher with me.
   I tried to push him off of me but he was too strong...he was bigger than me and I couldn't do anything about it. I cried and tried to ask him again and again to stop, I yelled and screamed but no one was around to help and nothing worked...he took away my innocence that night...
                                   ♡
   I slowly made my way home,sobbing and trying to get one foot in front of the other without falling to the ground from the pain. But I couldn't...I fell and scraped my knees through my ripped jeans...and stayed there on the ground until I could get my feet back under me...
   I smelled like alcohol and his cologne,and I ached everywhere...I had hickeys all over me and I couldn't seem to wash his smell off no matter how hard I tried to...
   Lying in my bed that night I got no sleep...I just stared up at the ceiling replaying what happened and trying to find out what I did to make it happen,where I went wrong...
   I couldn't go to school for the next few days and I told my mom I was "just sick" but eventually they made me go back...
|End of flashback|

   nothing else had been the same since then...I cant drink wine... I cant watch TFIOS...I couldn't even look at him,or think about him without shuddering...

  My stomach was churning much more violently now and I couldn't stop myself from getting sick,I ran into the bathroom as I let out the acid and water from the few times I drank from a water fountain that week.
   I stepped into the hallway and ran into the doctor. I apologized before asking if I could go see Tyler. Dr. Wolfe was hesitant at first but decided that it would be okay.
   I made sure to tell Jenna where I was going before I followed him to the room where Tyler was.