Save Yourself [Soukoku]

3:Control

Dazai hadn't come to the basement for a few days after that. The house was eerily quiet as if he wasn't even home. He did, however, show up after 3 days to get rid of the corpse  and clean up, but he didn't speak or look at Chuuya.

Chuuya had stayed there for a while, only drinking water. Of course, when he did eat, it was just a little bit, and he quickly lost his appetite due to the stench. He was only barely keeping himself alive. Maybe if he slept enough, his dreams would remind him of who he was in the past…

After the body and mess were cleaned up. Dazai pulled up a chair and sat there  in front of Chuuya, just staring,

It had been a while before he looked up at the other, making momentary eye contact before looking elsewhere again. The man’s voice was so familiar, and Chuuya felt a pulsing urge to hear it again, but he couldn’t place his finger on why it was familiar. It was killing him more than his lack of food was.

“Oi, Nakahara, you okay? You seem slimmer and paler. What's wrong?” Dazai asked as he sat in the chair backwards, currently resting his arms on the back of the chair.

Chuuya snapped out of it slightly as he glanced at the man again. He heard him speak again, and it refreshed his memory. It made him confirm that maybe, there was still hope in remembering. “... can’t remember a single thing…” he means from before the accident. He could only grasp at possible answers, but none of them triggered any memories.

Dazai sighed. “Then guess I'll have to make you remember me.” Dazai reached in his pocket and pulled out a bunch of photos before setting them down on the floor in front  of Chuuya.

Chuuya was surprised for a moment, before deciding to take a closer look at them. One of them was a selfie that Chuuya was so not ready for, according to the surprised expression on his face. He had studies each of them, though nothing came to his memory. The smaller male ends up putting his head in his hands. Dazai didn’t have bandages back then. The most he had remembered was… he’d forgotten this from earlier. “... you… it was your voice… you used to call me ‘Slug’...” He murmurs that, though he can’t find any more than that.

“Because it was difficult to wake you up in the morning, and you were like a slug.” Dazai lets out a laugh that sounded genuinely happy for once.

Chuuya is surprised for a moment by this as he glances up at the man once again. The dullness in his own eyes seemed to brighten slightly, though he glanced away again soon after. “... do you want to know what happened the day my family moved…?” One thing his sister had told him was that they moved before Chuuya’s memories of waking up in the hospital with more injuries than should be survivable.

“Sure, why not.” Dazai Shrugged as he looked  through the pictures himself.

“... only part I remembered was that someone was speeding… they ran into the car I was in… there was a lot of crashing into things and my head hurt. I really couldn’t feel much of myself by the end… the doctor said I was lucky to have survived. So it’s even more miraculous that I ended up mostly physically healed…” He then lifted the back of his hair to show a big scar near his hairline. It was extremely ugly in his opinion.

“Huh, that explains why you don't remember me or what happened with my family and why we stopped talking.” Dazai puffed out his cheeks and sighed loudly.

After a moment of silence, he speaks up. “... what happened…?” He may be genuinely curious this time.

Dazai looked straight at Chuuya as he spoke. “My mother, little brother and little sister were murdered while my father was at work and I managed  to hide in time but witnessed everything from where I was hiding. Well, that was his story anyway, but the truth is that he found out that I wasn't his son, held something dear to me over my head, and told me I would do what he said or he'd kill it. He forced  my mother in a chair and tied her up then forced me to kill Ryūnosuke and Gin in front of her, he then killed her in front of me. I'm sure you remember the lights outside your next door neighbor’s house at 4am.” Dazai had never told the truth to anyone before.

Chuuya blinked a couple times after he was done listening, taking in the information. “... 4am…” he repeated somewhat blankly. There was something about that time… if he thought really hard, he could remember waking up to see it, but he wasn’t sure what he did after that. He hadn’t known what went on, and his sister had tried to protect him from any scarring memories. “... somewhat…” He finally replies.

“I started wearing  longer sleeves and a bandages a few months. I was barely  talking to you after that night, then I completely stopped and disappeared for two years till I was 17. When I came back, you hated me and I had no clue why. Shortly after, my father moved us here.” Dazai was looking at the ground now.

Chuuya vaguely remembers that feeling called hatred. Just vaguely. “..........” He doesn’t say anything for a while, instead, getting up slightly unsteadily, stumbling over, and hugging Dazai. As to why… he hadn’t even known he had done it until he was hugging the man.

“Chuuya, w-what are you doing?” Dazai was completely confused at this. Chuuya had witnessed him murder someone three days ago and now he was hugging him.

“Hugging you. What, are you idiotic now, too?” He ends up saying this, more like mumbling. He doesn’t let go yet. If anything, it’s more like he’s using Dazai as a means of staying upright. He really hasn’t eaten enough these past few days.

Dazai lays his head on Chuuya's chest and, sighing, he suddenly stands up, picks Chuuya up, and wraps Chuuya's legs around his waist. After that, the sound of metal hitting the floor was heard as the shackle on Chuuya's ankle fell off since Dazai unlocked  it.

He kind of lets that happen, though he tenses slightly. Upon hearing the shackles, he ends up laying his head on the other’s shoulder. He ends up burying his face into the crook of the other man’s neck with a sigh.

Dazai puts his arms under Chuuya's  thighs to support him before he walks out of the basement and up the stairs  to the main part of the house.

Chuuya lets it happen for the time being. “... I don’t want to forget…” he muttered in the other’s ear. That’s all he says, but he means more than that.

“Forget what?” The taller male asks as he carries Chuuya into a room that has pictures  on a mirror that's attached to a dresser. A lot of the pictures are of Dazai and Chuuya when they were younger. The other pictures were of Dazai and his family.

“... the past…” He replies after a while. His eyes are closed now. He ends up relaxing into Dazai. The whole thing seems… familiar. The feeling. But he can’t quite place why… just like everything else. He sighs slightly.

Dazai carries Chuuya to a large bathroom, the tub alone looks like it could  hold 4 people people comfortably. He sets Chuuya down on the sink counter waiting  for him to let go.

Chuuya doesn’t let go until he realizes he’s been set down. Even then, he seems to hesitate to let him go. But he does let go of the hug eventually.

Dazai backed away and walked over to the tub running a bath of warm water before  dropping a bath bomb that was supposed to help you relax into the water. Once that was done he went over to Chuuya and started to help him undress as the smaller male seemed extremely weak.

Chuuya lets this happen because it was less work for him. Staying there, he looks at the man again, watching him curiously.

Once Dazai has Chuuya undressed  he undresses himself but stays in his boxers. He then picks Chuuya back up before walking over to the tub and lowering them both into the warm water.