Always Yours | ✔

Chapter Forty Two

"If I could, I would wrap my arms around you and just hold you until the hurt went away."               - Leo Christopher

Chapter 42 - Hurt

I quietly shut the door behind me and tip toed into my apartment.

Rather than going right home after dinner with Parker, I sat parked in my car on a random street. I thought about everything that led up to where I am right now. I thought about how stupid I was being and how stupid Parker was being.

I wondered why we couldn't just be honest with each other when it came to what we want. And I also wondered if we were even ready to have what we want.

"You were with him."

My heart jumped out of my chest and I flicked up the light switch. "Jason. You scared me." He was sitting on the couch across the room. Feet kicked up, just staring at his phone.

"You didn't answer me."

This is the last thing I'm in the mood for and I just want to know how he knew that. "Calm down. We were just talking."

He slid his phone onto the coffee table and stood up, making his way towards me. I threw my bag down on the kitchen counter and opened my arms, threading them around his waist. I laid my head on his chest and breathed in.

I don't know what I want but I don't feel like figuring it out right now.

Jason scooped my face into his hand and began kissing me passionately. His other hand wandered around the back of my jeans. I kept my arms wrapped around him, just letting him have this moment.

"Let's go lay down." He mumbled into my lips and my eyebrows knitted together. I pulled my face back slightly but he regained control and pulled my lips back to his. In one swift motion, I found my feet off the floor as he carried me over the couch, laid me down, and planted one foot on the floor, and one knee between my thighs. He hovered over me, kissing down my neck, into the dip of my chest, and I found myself trying to retreat.

"Jason." I grabbed the sides of his face but couldn't get him to budge. "Jason stop."

He paused and lifted his head. His desperate gaze meeting my unwilling one.

"What's wrong?" He frowned.

"It's a little soon." I wasn't the same girl I used to be. I have standards and restrictions set in my head. I wasn't going to sleep with someone if I had no idea if I wanted to even be with them.

"But I'm in love with you."

My blood froze and my heart stopped. I closed my mouth, not knowing how to react.

He kissed me once more but I didn't kiss him back.

I ran my hand through his hair, and looked into his frustrated eyes. "I love you too, it's just that... I'm not in love with you. So I can't sleep with you."

His face almost immediately turned to agitation and I no longer felt comfortable being so close to him.

"I'm sorry Jason. I'm not sure if I ever see this going anywhere."

He stared down at me, almost looking like a zombie. It was like he suddenly couldn't feel a thing. He didn't look heartwarming like he usually is with me. At the same time he didn't look angry. He just looked emotionless, and that terrified me more than anything else he could feel.