Bonny Eloise

Is 3

November 4, 2018.
The last 60 years for the GLBT have been met with heartache, suffering, pain, and humiliation. When we gain one small victory we take ten steps backward. But a defining mark of each year has been seen, each and every year the people of this fair country become just a little more inclusive, just a little more willing to question the bigotry they were taught. That is beauty the willingness to change, to compensate, to leave things as they are. Many who once hated or held prejudices against us now have children that is us. If they, the bigots, the racists could change who can't? That is my hope, that one day, just one day my parents will accept me for what I truly am and not try to force me into an unnatural being. The natural being straight. I am definitely not straight.
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School is probably the only real comfort I can claim right now. Ms. Stuart my literature teacher, an old Hungarian woman. She is the kindest woman a person could meet. She unlike most of the teachers, encourages the students and shows them the decency of what humanity could be. She is also the first person I told about my feelings. I told her how much I hated myself, How I wish I was dead. When I told her my feelings She sat me down and scolded me.

"What Lófasz! You are kind and courteous. If you fear your parents won't accept you don't kijön; but you my boy are special. The future depends on you don't sell yourself short with fears and worries but strive for excellence." That was the greatest advice I ever received from her. Today I would confide in her after school as I usually do

I entered the schoolyard but It didn't feel right. Marie was missing. She usually comes up to me every time I enter the yard and with a mocking voice says. "You're late sleepy-ass." She has called me that name since we first met in Kindergarten. "Hi, sweepy-ass my name is Mawie." She had a big grin on her face when she called me that so long ago as if knowing exactly what she was saying. That was also the first curse words I ever heard. We stuck together, me and Marie, we ticked. If I could love women I would've asked Marie to be mine long, long ago. I thought I knew her but even close people can turn out to be psychopaths. Marie is in hiding, she played the foolish part and betrayed me, my trust, and in extension my hope. She is evil in her own way. And a coward for not facing me, she must truly enjoy this. Turning my friends against me, leaving me to my zealous parents, my brother. She hurt me.

I continued through the front doors of the school only to be met with a familiar face, Hilda. A girl who has been trying to get into my pants since the 5th grade.
"Hi, Richie whatcha doin?" She asked smacking her bubble gum no doubt eye molesting me. I'll give it to her. She's persistent and cute. Dark brown hair blue eyes, and exactly 5'3. Shes have always been a little jealous of mine and Marie's relationship, thinking that we were secret lovers.

"Ok I guess, I've gotta go" her smile wavered just a little bit.

"Ok, Richie take..take care." I felt her eyes burning holes through the back of my pants, no doubt it was eye molestation.

The day went as usual. Talk to the same folks who are your friends in the cafeteria but strangers outside of school, listen to gossip no doubt about one of the cheerleaders getting pregnant by a nerd having an abortion and then repeating the process all over again. Kinda makes you wonder if they ever heard of birth control or condoms. But then again they might be too ignorant or lazy to take advantage of such Items. The main topic of discussion was a cheerleader named Mckenzie. She and a jock had sex and now she's pregnant. She refused to get an abortion and she's paying hell at home. I can't imagine her situation, I can't get pregnant nor do I have a child to raise without my parent's support. But I do understand the pain of my parents seeing me like a whore and disgusting. I feel for her I truly do.

School went boring and I didn't see a single sign of Marie all day which relieved some of my stress. I don't think I could take it emotionally well if I saw her. I would probably hurt her badly.

I headed to Ms. Stuart's room, It was after school hours so her class was empty. "Ahh, Richard Szia Szia! Please sit and tell me all about it." She said in her polish accent always with a warm smile. "Do you know how much I love to play the harmonica dear boy?"

"No, ma'am," I replied.

"Good, because I don't so don't ask me to play." She stated.

"Okay..."

"Well if you insist." She then proceeded to take out her harmonica from her bulky and heavy purse.

"Ma'am I was really wanting to talk if you don't mind," I stated.

"Oh, well I can do that too!" She smiled greatly.

"I really feel bad, very bad. I just don't know what to say or do anymore. My parents" I grimaced and a tear bugged my eye. "And my best friend... You know the situation. I don't know what to do anymore" visible tears fell from my cheeks. Ms. Stuart looked at me with understanding, not pity.

"A long time ago an evil, evil man signed an order which sent my family to a camp. They murdered my entire family." She spoke with a stark pain "Don't give up child, your burdens are lighter than you think. In order for you to achieve your dreams, you must hurt for a season but trust me it'll all be worth it in the end, just trust me. I had to experience much pain before It got better" there was a truth in her words.

After my conversation with her, I headed home, it's not a far walk from school. Marie's house is on the way. After walking for what seemed like an eternity I wound up in front of her house and there she was on her doorsteps with a distressed look,
I continued home.

On the front porch of the house was my father holding a sack in his hands, the sack held a bottle. Whiskey it looked like. 'Has he been drinking?' I thought to myself. When he saw me he abruptly stood up "Your faggoty ass is not welcome in my house." I turned around and walked through a stretch of land we own which leads to the back of the house. I claimed the siding up to my window which is always open and claimed into my bed. Everyone hates my guts, everyone. I feel alone. I was left with my thoughts all that night. I felt as if God had left me to be with another, I felt as if God abandoned me.