"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him shall not perish, but have everlasting life. For God sent not His son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved...
John 3:16-17
August
This is my most favorite passage in all of scripture, as it is my parents, my parents read these same verses in a radically different mindset.
Heaven and Hell.
'You'll go to Hell unless you repent Richard. God loves you but he won't forgive you for loving a man. It's forbidden, it's an abomination, it's disgusting." My mother whom I love continuously tells me. What's even more difficult is my father, he treats me like a child. He monitors my phone usage, location, contacts, and browser usage. They have a tight chain around my neck binding me to their increasing hope that I will be cured. "We love you, Richard, remember John 3:16, just believe and you will be cured of all filthiness." My filthiness.
But I do believe, with all my heart, soul, and mind. I believe in His words, that whosoever, not just the 'perfect' but the filthy. God chose my heart and has dealt righteously with me.
He created me perfectly according to his will. I am beautiful and I am perfect in His loving eyes. Even if my old friend and parents look at me with disgust I am what God created to be, beautifully gay.
I have to tell myself this daily and I read this passage daily. My only comfort from my parents and brother.
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The weeks since I was outed have gone by very slow. Longer and longer the days get, eventually you would think it would reach its peak longevity but It hasn't, It just keeps getting worse. The stress is horrendous and killer. I feel so heavy sometimes, so sad, so very sick. I believe them in a sense, I'm sick mentally.
I'm a mamwhore according to my mother and a faggot according to my father. They were shocked when they saw the photos of my deflowering, but even more so disgusted when the realized it was by a man.
"Do you really want to be a male bitch?" I squirmed at my pa's question. I'm a whore. I should've waited but I didn't.
"I'm sorry" I replied shyly.
"Don't fucking speak to me faggot" how Christian of my father.
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All I can think of is the unclouded day when all the storms shall go away, the day I will be accepted when all my tears are gone and my fears relieved. One day.
YOU ARE READING
Bonny Eloise
Fiksi UmumBXB BOOK! This is a semi-journal (biographical) semi-fiction I list out what I'm going through. Now some stuff is fiction some is not. This story follows a teen named Richard through his trials and tribulations of being accepted and eventually findi...
