Bad Decisions 🖤 Ariana/you

Darkness

*warning... dark stuff ahead
Y/N's POV
     "Russ I'm sorry but I just... I can't do this anymore. This lifestyle, this world, it's not safe and I need to move on." I plead, hoping he'll understand.
     "I understand." Russ looks down at the ground emotionless. He rubs his hands together slowly taking a strained breath in and out. His eyes meet mine and I can feel my anxiety building up again.
     His gaze pierces through my eyes pulling out the deepest and darkest of my insecurities when it comes to my job. He doesn't look happy but I know he's not mad. He cares about us. He cares about all of his 'employees'.
     "You'll need to finish off this batch and I'm still gonna need you to work your shift Friday."
     "Of course," I say, apology laced in my voice. I feel ashamed. I know I shouldn't but this is all I know. Nicki's been begging me to leave for years but I could never bring myself to do it, until I met her.
     Russ isn't always this kind. He has a soft spot for me. I want so badly to be able to be there for him and show him how grateful I am for everything that he has done.
     The state I was in when he found me were my darkest days. I have never felt more alone, more lifeless. Everyone around me mattered to me but I didn't matter to myself. He saved my life and for that I am eternally grateful.
Flashback...
I walked down the dark alley way like I had done a million times before. My skin burned in the cold and the withdrawal was becoming unbearable. I turned the corner heading towards the usual motel. "Room 859" I muttered to myself.
Knock knock.
The door opened slightly, unable to open fully due to the chain connected to the wall.
"Name." I heard the mans burley voice demand. "Y/n." I was becoming impatient but knew better than to tell them I need it fast. These people don't mess around. You tick them off and they will kill you and not even blink twice.
"Product?" "H-heroin, please? 0.1 grams." I ask as nicely as possible. I hear him grunt and close the door to unlock the chain.
He reopens the door allowing me to step inside of the room. I see the man cutting the product on the table. As he wraps up the Heroin, we make eye contact. "20 dollars." He states firmly.
I quickly hand over the money, grab my fix and leave.
     I ran across the road to my car, looking both ways before crossing. I fumbled with my keys before finally unlocking it. I was parked in a darker area of a gas station, hidden from the shame of the public.
     I started up the engine letting the heat warm me up. I gathered my supplies, without hesitation. I don't even think about what I could be anymore, I just do.
     After heating up the heroin and filling the needle, I tied up my arm. "Drink up." I said to myself as I injected the needle into my vein.
     A wave of relief washed over me. My head fell back onto the head rest and I was numb. My body went limp. My head felt a sense of euphoria that is indescribable and my body felt detached from my soul, but that's a good thing. I liked it that way.
     All the sudden I see black flashing in and out of my vision. My breathing became heavy. Oh shit.
     I overdosed. I knew it was too much but I couldn't help it. I started to panic knowing no one was around at 3 am to help. Maybe it would've been better if I didn't wake up.
Knock knock...
"HEY! OPEN UP! LISTEN TO ME YOU NEED TO OPEN UP!" I heard someone shouting at me but couldn't quite make it out.
     The voice was muffled and concerned. I somehow managed to press the unlock button on the door. As soon as the door opened I fell into someone's arms.
     I felt a slap to my right cheek. "Hey! Stay with me! HEY!"
     I feel hot and I can't seem to stop sweating but my insides are so cold. I started to shake. "P-please j-just l-leave m-me," I cried out. It was no use. I don't deserve to be here.
      The last thing I remember is the man saying, "Never."

5 hours later...
     I woke up to bright, fluorescent lights burning my eyes. "Looks like she's waking up," a muffled voice states.
     I squinted through the pain and looked over to see the person who I assumed the 'doctor' was speaking to.
     I came face to face with a man I did not recognize. He had dark hair and a scruffy beard. He appeared to be in his early thirties.
     "W-who a-are y-you?" I asked. "Russ. You um, overdosed on the heroin I sold to you." He looked down ashamed. My thoughts were all fuzzy and I didn't understand why a drug dealer would risk his business to aid a customer in overdosing.
     I guessed he was just trying to keep his consumers going but he seemed different. Even though we didn't know each other, he had a look that said 'I want to help you.'
     "I'm sorry this happened to you. I'm going to help you. I want you to be a part of my business." He paused for a second, looking at me so I knew he was being serious.
     "But first, let's get you sober."
End of flashback...
     "Russ." He hesitantly turns around. "Yes." I run up to him and give him a loving hug. His warmth always comforted me. I know I can survive without him, I just have to find a new source of heat. He pulls me in tighter whispering "it's okay," over and over again. I finally pull away.
     He turns once again to leave. I hear the door shut and wipe away the single tear falling down my cheek.
     I take a deep breath in knowing that it was the right thing to do. I feel special when I'm with Ariana. I could use something good in my life whether I deserve it or not.
A/N I hope you guys enjoyed ! This is just a lil back story 🖤 remember Ari don't know yet 😉 anyways more to come. Please vote and comment !!!