Bad Decisions 🖤 Ariana/you

I'd rather look at you.

Ariana's POV
     I can't stop thinking about y/n. All week has been a blur of y/n this and y/n that. I think my friends are beginning to get annoyed with how much I'm talking about her.
     I check the time and see it's almost 9:00 am. I have my date with y/n tomorrow and I'm very nervous even though we've been texting nonstop throughout the week.
     I usually send her a good morning text but today I'm feeling spontaneous. I get up and get dressed to go get my daily Starbucks except today, I decide to go to y/n's.
     Hopefully she won't mind but I don't care. I miss her smile.

                                    ***
at Y/N's apartment...
The door opens to a very exhausted looking y/n. Her eyes are puffy and I can't help but notice those beautiful y/e/c eyes glistening with what seemed to be filled with sadness.
At first, she couldn't care less who was at the door but as soon as she recognized me her eyes widened.
"A-ari h-hi w-what uh are you doing here?"
     "Oh um i-i'm sorry to barge in like this i just..." I look up again to see y/n swallowing the lump in her throat and I have to ask "y/n/n are you alright? You don't look so good."
     Instantly a smile spread across her face and I could tell she was just putting on an act. "Yes of course Ari! I'm glad you're here would you like to come in?"
     I give her a tight lipped smile and nod in response as I enter her apartment with coffee in both of my hands.
     I look around only for a second to find a table for me to place the coffees on. "I brought you a coffee," I say placing it on the table.
     "Thanks that's super sweet of-" I cut her off by giving her a longing hug. It takes her a second to realize what's going on but eventually she wraps her arms around my waist, mine around her neck.
     I stay there for longer than I should've just taking her scent in. She smells so sweet and fruity.
     When I pull away I just stare into her eyes, her gaze pulling me in doing the same thing it always does, leaving me speechless. My hands still rest upon her shoulders and her arms still wrapped around my waist.
     "W-what w-was that for?" Her breath hitches slightly. "I wanted to." I say not taking my eyes off of hers for one second.
     We eventually snap back into reality and I pick up my coffee taking a sip. "Black if I remember correctly?" I ask, winking while taking a sip of our same order, black iced coffee.
     "Y-yeah." She stutters while scratching the back of her head. "Surprised I remembered huh?" I say teasing her a little bit more.
     A light blush appears on her face. It's nice to know I have an affect on her. She can be quite intimidating.
     "A little yeah, um what are you doing here anyways? Not that I mind of course." "Well..." I try looking for a good reason but the truth is I just missed her and for some reason I can't lie to her. "I uh i missed you."
      "Oh you missed me huh?" Now it was my turn to blush. God, what is this woman doing to me?
     She grabs my hand, taking me by surprise and leads me out to her balcony. Her apartment looks very expensive. I wonder what she actually does for a living?
     "It's beautiful out here isn't it?" I glance at the view only for a second to answer her question. I'd much rather be looking at her. "Yeah it is." I turn towards her just admiring her admiring the view.
     "You're not even looking!" She jokes looking over at me as she begins laughing.
     I could listen to her laugh all day. It's so cute. "Well, I'd rather look at you." I say in a serious voice whilst moving closer to her.
     I know that I want her and I think she wants me but there's something holding her back. I'm not sure what but I need to know.
     She awkwardly gulps and begins downing her coffee. Once she's finished she sits down, being very weird and shaky.
     "Y/n/n..." I say softly, smiling because of how red her face is getting. I step closer to her chair. Closer and closer.
     She avoids eye contact with me, knowing that if she looks up at me she'll give in. But that's the only way I'll know.
     I need to know if she's feeling what I'm feeling. The butterflies in my stomach never stop swirling. My head feels light and fuzzy but in the most blissful way. My heart beat sky rockets just knowing she knows who I am. When we touch, shockwaves course through me. It's magical and confusing but I can't stop thinking about it.
     I kneel down, grasping her hands in mine. She looks up still trying her best to face away from me. I place my finger under her chin pushing her in my direction, "look at me" I demand.
     My sudden tone startles her but I have her right where I need her, staring right into my soul.
     I get a sudden wave of guilt, thinking that I made her uncomfortable. She doesn't want me. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. I j-just thought you felt something." I say looking down shamefully.
      "I do." "W-what?" I don't understand what she's feeling or what I'm feeling but I know it's special. Is she lying to make me feel better? Why didn't she say anything?
     "I'm not lying." She says, confusion taking over my face due to her being able to get in my head. I don't know how she knows what I'm thinking. "I didn't say anything because you can't be with me Ari." "Y/n... why y-you just said that-" I was cut off by her. "I know what I said Ari. I'm not good for you. I can't be who you want me to be. I-I'm s-sorry." She spoke barely above a whisper. I can't take it anymore.
      "No! No you know what, that's not fair y/n! You lead me on and m-made me look like a fool." I stand up angrily, feeling breathless. I storm inside, pissed off with myself for even thinking for one second that someone like her could like someone like me. I grab my purse and head to the front, y/n stumbling behind. "Ari w-wait please!"
     "What?!" She stands there, her jaw open slightly unable to speak, because there's nothing to say, there's nothing she can do.
     "Just know that I'm sorry. You don't understand. I've done bad shit Ari. Some reallllyyyy bad shit. I-I c-can't tell you now but I will, just please don't leave me."
     I can hear the hurt in her voice. A single tear fell down my cheek because as much as I hate that she doesn't want to be with me romantically, I think she could really use a friend. I'm angry and hurt but I'd do anything for her.
     "Fine." I say, monotone lacing my voice. Y/n walks over to me, her eyebrows furrowing at my sight. She wipes the tear off of my cheek and pulls me into her, hugging me tightly just as before but this time it felt different, familiar. Almost like we were meant to hug forever. And I know she feels it too.

A/N - hey I'm gonna try to update more but I'm really working hard on making this book perfect. Plz vote and comment it inspires me to write more!!! 💗 thank you for the reads and I am now #16 in dangerouswoman SO THATS DOPE OKAY bye ... ;)