18 Weeks

Recovery/ Chapter 11

We arrived at a mall in Rosenberg where my parents would meet us. We stopped at a fountain in the middle of the mall where I saw Mom, dad, and Mara sitting there. Stephanie, Anthony, and Jessica introduced themselves. Instead of greeting my mom, I went right passed her and gave Mara and my dad a hug. I shook Anthony's and Jessica's hand and thanked them for letting me stay at the home. I held out my hand to shake Stephanie's hand she grabbed my arm and pulled me in for a hug. The hug lasted for about 30 seconds I cried and touched her belly. She was due any day now and I wished her good luck during childbirth. We all said our final goodbyes and I headed off with my parents without looking back. I didn't say much to my parents when I first saw them. We waited in the truck for Mackenzie to come out of the mall. When she arrived she sat behind the drivers seat while I sat in the middle and Mara sat on the right. My dad took us to Panera Bread. He thought it would be nice to treat me after a hard day that I had yesterday. I ordered a soup bread bowl. It tasted like heaven. After that we went back home. My dad ordered a family meeting. My dad turned to Mara and Mackenzie and told them not to ask me any questions pertaining to the maternity home or my experience. He then had them leave. My dad sat in a chair by the book case, and my mom sat in her large chair by her computer. She always had the best things and the largest luxurious things in the home. While my dad was talking my mom had an evil smile on her face. I knew I was in for it. My dad mentioned that they were giving me a week to grieve, and no more than that. Afterwards I had to find a job and give them half of my paycheck in order to keep living in their house. I nodded, agreed and left the room. I went to unpack my things, and I stopped halfway and spotted a sewing project that I finished halfway before going to Safe Haven. I opened up I-tunes on my computer and grabbed my project and spent the rest of my day relaxing and listening to music. Before bedtime I grabbed the notebook given to me by Safe Haven and started writing on the page, a letter to my daughter. I named her Merianne. I finished the page and it read, To: Merianne, Dear Merianne, This is your mother. I am very sorry if I had said or done anything that may have hurt you. I honestly don't blame you if you hated me. I should have been the one to die. About to pass out from loss of blood, I wondered if I could've been in heaven with you but God kept me alive for some reason. I wanted a family for you so you could live to see what the world was like. I also wondered how long you suffered before you died. I can't even imagine it. God has you now but don't forget me. I love you, I miss you, and I cannot wait to be reunited with my beautiful daughter. With Love, Sierra Johnson (your mommy) I finished the letter then put it away for the night. Throughout the week I continued to write. On the second of May I had a follow up with Dr. Creel. He assessed me and told me that there was nothing wrong with the fetus, but saw complications with my placenta. He told me that it prematurely detached from the wall of my uterus, which explained the bleeding. He said he doesn't know why it happened. He said most likely women who miscarry the first time will have a completely normal pregnancy the next time. In thought in the back of my head I hope there will be a next time. A week had passed and it was time for me to buckle down and find a job. I applied to several places but got an immediate call back from McDonald's. I had an interview with the manager Jason. He was nice and he had told me that I was hired but Wednesday I would need to go to the McDonalds main office and go to the training meeting and get my clothes. I went to the meeting that Wednesday and there were about 15 people in the room but all were from different areas of Richmond/Rosenberg. The training manager gave out a packet that we reviewed then we watched a training video. The entire meeting was about an hour. I then followed up with the manager the next day showing him the slip of paper that I attended. He then told me my first day on the job will be Saturday. I went home and told my parents the good news. I had also called Jason that night and told him that once I get my first paycheck, I would be able to buy my own personal cell phone. There was a T-Mobile store right across from the McDonalds I work at. Saturday arrived and I was excited to start. I was to be there at 7:00 am. I woke up at 6:00am and had a cup of coffee with my parents. I was excited and nervous. I went up stairs and took a shower to get ready. When I was tying my shoes I noticed the day was May 27th I was proud that I had gotten a job a month prior to having the miscarriage. My dad drove me to work. when I got inside I reported to Jason and he taught me how to clock in and out for work. He then brought me to the back and had me sit down in a chair in front of a computer. He said that it'll take a couple of hours. I had to answer questions and read stuff about the McDonald's company. I finally finished 4 grueling hours of that boring questionnaire. Jason then told me for the rest of the day I would be shadowing a coworker Tammy. She was real bossy and demanding. She had to leave work at 2:00 so that means I'd do register for an hour all by myself until I left work at 3:00. I got the hang of it. It was really easy once I started by myself. 3:00 rolled around and I handed the register to Jason he counted the money  and I went to to see my work schedule and copy it down for my parents to see. I walked outside and my mom was waiting for me outside. I told her about my day and that I was pleased with the people I work with. I worked for the next two weeks patiently awaiting my first paycheck. On Friday at the end of my shift my dad took me into the bank to cash my check in. I gave half to my parents like expected, and I see the other half to pay for a cell phone. The day I got my cellphone I immediately texted Jason. He was ecstatic that I had a cell phone so our conversations would be private. Our plans for Indiana were cancelled so i continued to work for an entire month until something in my head told me I had had enough. I had plans with my sister Leticia to move permanently. I had called my boss to report that I was moving away. My parents tried to convince me to stay but I had my mind set on moving. The reason I wanted to move is because my parents told me that I didn't do anything I said I would do whenever I moved back from Safe Haven. It wasn't true. I took a week like they said, I also got a job within a month of loosing Merianne, and I also gave them a portion of my paycheck like promised. I was confused and tired of getting bitched at. On a rainy Sunday day Leticia came to pick me up. We drove out and headed downtown. I wondered what would become of me.