Healing Hearts ✅

40. Mourning

I knew today would be rough. Usually Saturdays were the best day of the week but today a dark cloud hung over us. Today was the day Lucas would say goodbye to his mom. I step out of the bathroom after a refreshing shower and find my boyfriend standing in front of the mirror in a black pair of dress pants and a dark red button-down. I was glad that he had chosen not to wear all black because the Hope I had gotten to know wouldn't want every aspect of her funeral to be sad; she'd want to celebrated not mourned. 

"You look handsome" I compliment, crossing the room and stopping behind him. His eyes lock on mine and his lips quirk into a soft smile. I could tell he was trying to hold himself together but he didn't have to, he could fall apart and I wouldn't judge. 

"You look beautiful" he replies, ignoring my compliment and tossing back another to me. I look down at my simple black dress that I had paired with a red headband in my hair to accent Lucas's shirt. 

"It's gonna be okay" I murmur, wrapping my arms around his waist and kissing his shoulder. 

"As long as you're there" he agrees making my heart swell as his fingers intertwine with mine. "A lot of my family doesn't know I'm seeing anyone, are you okay with being introduced as my girlfriend?" he asks and my heart swells. There was nothing I wanted more than to officially be labeled as Lucas Friar's girlfriend. 

"Of course I'm okay with that" I smile. "And I think your mom would turn over in her casket if we tried to insist we were just friends" I add making him chuckle. 

"She'd haunt me forever" he jokes. "Actually, she may do that anyway" he adds thoughtfully as he turns around in my embrace to face me. "But perhaps haunt is the wrong word, maybe watch over us is better."

"How else will she be able to prove that she was right all along?" I ask playfully. "I'll certainly miss her 'I told you so' on our wedding day."

"I'm sure she'll make the point somehow" he replies, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. "Do you think she met your brother?" he asks suddenly causing my eyes to widen. I hadn't thought of the fact that now my boyfriend's mother and my brother were in the same place; it would make sense for them to meet though. 

"Maybe" I reply thoughtfully. "Oh my goodness, my brother would hate you if he were here" I laugh causing his eyebrows to furrow in confusion. 

"What? Why?" 

"Because that's what brothers do" I reply as if this should be obvious. "They hate the boys their sisters bring home. It's a thing."

"Hm" he hums. "Well when we meet someday I hope he'll forgive me for falling in love with his sister."

I shake my head, tugging at the hair at the nape of his neck. "He'll have to wait a while because I'm not planning on saying goodbye to you until we're much older. I love you Lucas Friar."

He smiles. "I love you too Riley Matthews" he murmurs before pressing his lips against mine. 

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As lighthearted as this morning was, the funeral is anything but. I look around for any sign of life in the room but all I see are mourners crying in every corner. A wave of unwelcome nostalgia rushes over me and suddenly I'm back at my brother's funeral. 

All around me people are crying. I look through the crowd and realize that half these people aren't even mourning my little brother but instead the thought of a little boy taken too soon. They don't know Auggie. They don't still have the sound of his voice in their head. They don't know about his marriage to the next door neighbor, they don't know of his invisible pet Scruffles who he turned to in times of sadness and they most certainly don't know of the gaping hole that he's left in my heart.