Convalescence (GG Apply Fic, Closed)

● Jung Jinsol

Jinsol looked in the mirror and idly fixed her hair as she took in her appearance. She looked over every inch of her face making sure that her skin looked even and clear. She scanned her clothes looking for anything that might give off the wrong impression.

Straightening her skirt and smoothing out her shirt, her gaze shifted back upwards as she stared into the reflection of her eyes. She imagined the wall that she had been building in her mind. She sent the sad, broken girl inside of her off to a corner of her mind and closed the wall around her.

This was a daily routine for Jinsol. Before she could leave the house every morning, she had to perform this little ritual. It was a necessity for her, just as brushing your teeth or having breakfast was for other people. Jinsol would stand in front of this mirror in the dimly lit, tiny little hallway of her rundown apartment and lock away her true self.

She could never let anyone see who she really was. Jinsol was broken deep down and she knew it, but she did not want anyone else to know it. She would present a happy version of herself to the world so that they would never know anything was wrong because Jinsol knew that it was unacceptable to be broken.

So, Jinsol painted on a bright smile, wrapped herself in a shield of disingenuous optimism, and walked out of her apartment.

Jinsol walked into the shopping mall and headed towards a small coffee shop that looked like it was pretty empty. She needed a mental reprieve from her act and coffee seemed like a good way to re-energize. She ordered her coffee and took a seat at a table in the corner of the shop, far from the door. Even though the shop was completely empty except for the employees, she wanted to lie as low as possible. An employee came with her drink and Jinsol thanked him with a smile.

Once he walked away, her wall began to crumble. She could feel the weak spots in her wall cracking until all at once the wall gave way and her mind was flooded with all the thoughts that she'd been repressing for the last six months.

In the back of her mind, Jinsol tried to remind herself that she was still in public, but it was no use. Once the wall was broken, it couldn't just reappear in an instant. Jinsol had spent months working on that wall. Now that it was gone it would be difficult to rebuild it. Every time one of her walls breaks, it's harder to build it back up again.

I'm worthless, useless. Nobody cares about me. My family hates me and I have no friends. I couldn't even support my family because I could never make enough money through acting. They disowned me. And who's fault is that? It's all my fault because I'm not good enough. I'll never be good enough. It's disgusting. I'm disgusting. Why am I even still here? I'm just a waste of space, taking up oxygen that could've been breathed by someone better than me. Why was I ever even born? My sorry excuse for an existence is pathetic. I should just do the world a favor and-

Jinsol was snapped out of her thoughts when she heard a chair screech on the floor next to her. She quickly wiped a few tears that had fallen onto her cheeks and look over to see who was there.

She took in the boy that was next to her. He sat down with his legs spread out in a carefree manner. Jinsol bitterly pondered what it must be like to be so at ease.

"What do you want?" she questioned, little expression in her face and voice.

"Well, this is one of my favorite coffee shops and this is the table I always sit at. I was gonna sit somewhere else, but I saw you over here and you looked upset," he replied, leaning forward with his elbows on the table.

"So?" Jinsol replied in a monotone voice.

"So...?" the boy asked in confusion. It was obvious he was trying to be "helpful" or something. Jinsol sighed in annoyance and rolled her eyes.

"Just because I'm upset doesn't give you the right to come over here acting all high and mighty. Who told you I wanted anyone to sit with me? What makes you think you can sit with me?" Jinsol asked, her voice cracking at the end of her sentence as tears formed in her eyes again. She felt bad for taking out her anger on his poor guy but she couldn't help it. The thoughts that filled her head just moments before were still circulating in her brain as she tried to comprehend the current situation.

The boy looked at her with pity, and though she found it infuriating that he was pitying her she also took comfort in his presence for some reason.

"Look," he said, leaning over to her, "I know I'm just some random stranger but I hate seeing people upset so if you wanna talk about whatever's going on, I'm willing to listen," he said with a small smile. Jinsol fully looked at the boy for the first time since he sat down. He seemed to be about her age and had a hat pulled down so that it covered his eyes a bit along with a face mask. He noticed her looking at his suspicious attire and quickly took off the mask in hopes of earning her trust.

Jinsol took a deep breath as pondered whether or not to trust this guy. She closed her eyes and finally decided to just let it all out. She told him everything about her. She told him how her family was dirt poor and rarely had enough food to go around. She told him how she was a failure in school because she had to work part time as a child actress to get money for her family. How when her father won the lottery he became a cold, materialistic man who would purposefully make Jinsol's life hard even though he could have helped her monetarily. She didn't even know this boy's name and yet she told him about her family, something she had never told anyone about.

Tears began to fall as she recounted how she was trying to pursue her dream of becoming an idol but every company she auditioned for rejected her. The boy perked up a bit when she mentioned that she wanted to be an idol.

"Maybe you could try auditioning for Pledis?" he asked with a little twinkle in his eye. Jinsol looked at him and shook her head.

"I already auditioned for them and they rejected me on the spot," she replied. The spark in his eye died out as she said that. He seemed to be scrambling for something to say when he snapped his fingers as he remembered something.

"What about auditioning for BigHit? They have their auditions soon," he asked triumphantly. Jinsol had never heard of BigHit, it must've been a small agency. She sighed a bit, accepting the fact that she'd never make it in a bigger company anyway. She took a deep breath and nodded.

"I guess I'll try auditioning for BigHit, then," she said with a small smile as she wiped away the last of her tears.

"Glad to hear it," he replied with a bright smile. He checked his watch and then looked back up at Jinsol apologetically. "I'm gonna have to get going now, I have a meeting with some, um. . . coworkers."

"Oh yeah, no, that's totally fine. Thanks for listening to me ramble about my life," Jinsol said with the first genuine smile that's been on her face in years. The boy nodded and got up to leave. Just as he got to the door, Jinsol realized that she never got his name. She quickly got up and called out to him.

"Hey, what was your name, by the way?" she asked him as he opened the door to leave the cafe.

"Joshua, and you?" he asked with a small smile.

"Jinsol. Nice to meet you, Joshua," she replied, biting her lip as unexplained nerves settled over her.

"Nice to meet you too. Hopefully I'll see you around," Joshua said with a small wave. Jinsol nodded and watched him as he walked away, praying that this wouldn't be the last time she saw the boy.

~

{yeo-one }

A/N: I'm currently on an 8 car ride and I didn't have any homework so I was able to write some more! Sorry if it's a bit boring haha. I hope you guys like it though :)