unclouded // jjkxbts

chapter two

This is the longest chapter I've written for anything in a while lmao

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Jungkook threw the door of his apartment open once again.

God, he was so tired. He just wanted to quit now and hope to be reborn as a person with an actually decent mental state in his next life.

He didn't even know why he was so, unhappy. His parents were actually great people. They cared for him and his older brother, he didn't talk with him much, very well and taught them all the skills they would actually use before they moved out.

He looked back at the plate he left on the table yesterday. He started to walk over to it, until something stopped him.

'Jeon Jungkook, you better not eat that! It'll make you more overweight than you already are!' The voice in his head screamed.

He held his head in his right hand, feeling a minor headache come on. In all honesty, Jungkook was light. Lighter than someone his height and she should be.

He tried, he really tried to get better but something was stopping him. Any normal person would be able to tell if something was wrong with him or not unless they tried grabbing his wrist or any part of him, really.

They'd see how far his slightly over-sized sweater collapsed in and feel his ribs poking out from his torso. They'd see the remnants of his efforts to make himself better if they stared at his thighs.

His body was a complete wreck and he didn't know if he could be saved at this point. Anytime he tried to eat, the voice would make him throw it up and hurt himself.

He didn't want to, really!

Jungkook dragged his legs down the hall again, collapsing on the bed and checking to make sure he set his alarm before falling asleep.

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Jungkook woke up again, except this time there wasn't any of the loud beeping noise of his alarm to force him out of his empty and silent sleep cycle.

He looked to his right to check the time.

4:27 AM

Why the hell did he wake up so early? His alarm was set for 7:30 on days he actually had to go to college. Speaking of which, tomorrow he didn't have any classes.

Jungkook figured he could just go back to sleep but he couldn't. "Goddammit." He mumbled and got out of bed.

He walked around his apartment aimlessly for all of fifteen minutes before giving up and sitting down at the desk in his room.

His art supplies were thrown carelessly around the surface of the desk and he tidied it up before working on an assignment that was due today.

The class was instructed to draw and colour a landscape using one of the colour pallets the teacher had picked out. Jungkook chose one based around cool colours with a new shades of yellow and orange added in.

He chose to draw an ocean at night with the light of the moon and stars reflecting off the water. As low as his self-esteem was (especially with art), he thought it turned out pretty well.

He quickly added all the extra shading and filled in any white spaces on the paper and slipped it into this folder for all his artwork.

Before Jungkook knew it, his alarm was beeping loudly. He stretched his arms and got up to turn it off. He got ready to head off to school and looked back at the plate on the table.

'Look away! You know you can't have those!'

He ignored the screams of protest in his mind and took two from the plate and held them in his palms. They were small, circular, sugar cookies with not much else to say about their appearance. There was a bit of cinnamon dusted over the tops of each one.

Jungkook was determined to get something in his system, even he ended up vomiting it up later. He broke a piece of one off and shoved it in his mouth. It was really good, he'd have to thank Seokjin later if he could build up the courage to actually say anything to him.

His stomach starts aching but he takes another piece anyways. He held his midsection tightly for a few seconds before letting go and heading out. He stepped out of his apartment and heard a group of familiar voices talking by their cars.

He honestly had no clue who any of them were, except Seokjin, and never bothered even making eye contact with any of them.

They were just so loud, and today most likely wasn't going to be a day where he could deal with that. Yet he found his eyes trailing up from the ground where they normally stayed, staring directly into Seokjin's brown pools.

He quickly realised he was staring and his head dropped and he started walking at a quicker pace to his bike. He undid the locks and shoved them in his bag, as per usual.

He hopped on the bike, the aching in his stomach coming back at full force. Jungkook was determined to make it to school without throwing the small amount of food he had up.

The bike ride there was rather scenic. He had always loves Seoul, it really was beautiful. Don't get him wrong, Busan was wonderful too, he was just sick of the same scenery and moved away the first opportunity he had.

His parents had supported him too, hell they even helped him find the nicest apartment complex they could that didn't cost too much. Since he moved, he would mail pictures of the Seoul skyline that he drew to his parents on their birthdays and sometimes he'd draw the Busan sea for his brother.

He quickly made his way down the hill his apartment complex was seated on and down a couple side streets to the train station.

He had a driver's license, but no car. If he did he'd probably just drive to school but it didn't bother him that he had to take the trains to and from college.

It was just a quick bike ride with a few turns here and there and he was set.

He jumped off the bike and walked it into the train, clutching his stomach. Why couldn't his mind just leave him alone? Every time he tried to get better, it would scream phrases that were so familiar it hurt.

'God, you really can't do anything right, can you?!'

'Maybe if you didn't eat that, you wouldn't be so fat!'

'Why not kill yourself already, it wouldn't hurt anyone!'

'Why can't you stop being so completely useless?'

'I'll just have to make you hurt yourself for this, won't I'

'You're so disappointing, it's funny! How did your parents tolerate you?'

"I'm sorry." He whispered after enduring the seemingly endless torture that came from his slowly breaking mind.  

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Next chapter: Seokjin meets Jungkook at the cafe and introduces him to the other members!

Also, I don't have an official update schedule because I would never keep up with that so I'll attempt to update at least once a week

I'm already working on the outline for the next chapter so it'll probably be out in a day or two

Or maybe today but don't get your hopes up