|Turning Tides|- A Percy Jackson Betrayal Story

Author's Note

Hey y'all

Alright, I know most of ya don't read these, but I'm asking you to make an exception for me.

I have writers block for this story, and a lot of shit is going down.

My baby brother was born a few weeks ago on September 20th, and my life is kinda hectic. I have a hard time writing this because I have to remain focused. I'm an improvisational writer, anything is either made up on the spot, or I daydreamed it.

Most of it is made up on the spot. For the particular chapter I am writing, however, I need to remain focused, and that's just not working out for me. Not to mention I want to focus on my other story, The New Trojan War| A Percy Jackson Fanfiction.

It's just that it's hard to hold on to a single daydream, you start dreaming of other stuff. Well, that's what happened. It's hard to focus on this now because my mind keeps going to my other fanfiction.

I kind of want to write a fanfiction where Sally's mother was the goddess Bast, and Percy finds out about it and can shift into a cat and he has to leave Camp and becomes like a Cat King. Would you guys read that?

Also, I don't mean to be depressing but... my life is kind of hard. My little sister is failing several of her classes but nobody in my family is disappointed in her. I brought home a 79 in one class and they all looked at me like I was some sort of monster. I got a full scholarship into whatever college I want as long as it's in the state (and still a scholarship if I leave the state) last year in 7th grade (when I was 12) and they gave me a few hugs and then started putting a ridiculous amount of pressure on me. My family is constantly disappointed in me, and it's just... hard.

My dad abandoned me at like 8 months old and then died two years later. I was then lied to about how my real father was this dude my mom married. Eventually, this dude started treating me like shit. He raised me like I was a boy. I was never allowed to be weak or cry or seek comfort. He wrestled with me and it hurt but he wouldn't stop and called me weak. I got a little sister at 5. She was an angel the first three years (well, not really, but she loved me then), and then she just started hating me. I wound up with anxiety and trust issues because of my "father".

I was scared of people because I didn't want to disappoint them. I still am. I thought I was a disgrace to humans because I thought my father hated me. I thought I was a failure. 

That was when I was 9.

I had to start acting and lying to avoid being physically beaten by Daddy dearest. I pretended I was fine for so long that I almost convinced myself. I lied to my mother and "father"'s faces.

It hurt. Eventually, they got divorced and I started trying to get help because at this point I knew I wasn't fine.

My mom doesn't believe me. She calls me a liar and won't listen or get me help. She doesn't believe me about my anxiety and just says I'm shy. She doesn't believe me when I say I think I have ADHD (it's hard for me to concentrate and I'm constantly moving). She stills loves that douchebag even though he ruined our lives, so she doesn't believe me when I tell her about the verbal (and occasionally physical) abuse.

I lied so much and it caught up with me and now I'm drowning in my own lies and sinking under and it's scaring me.

Lately, I've been feeling empty and it's hard to conjure up any emotion except sadness and occasionally anger. I was so tired of being just the freakshow that everybody in my family stares at and takes for granted. I'm tired and empty constantly. I just had to pinch myself today and draw blood to make sure I was really alive, because it felt like everything in life was redundant and pointless and another person was living my life. I felt pain, the scary thing was I wanted more because I wanted to feel alive again.

I'm just so scared because I don't want to do that, my best friend is a cutter and somebody needs to take care of him, and I just can't do that to him. My little brother that was just born needs his big sister. My little sister (as much as she hates me) needs me. My mother had a mental breakdown the other day (she has several mental illnesses), and she needs me too.

So, I'm sorry, I know how it feels to be disappointed and I promised myself I wouldn't have author's notes in any of my stories but I just can't anymore.

I need to start trying to feel alive again.

I'm sorry for disappointing you guys, I swear as soon as I get inspiration and feel a little better that I'll start the story again.

Sorry for droning on and probably boring you all, I know you don't care about me or my problems.

I'll come back eventually, I promise.

I'll try to stay alive, frens ||-//