Behind the Camera [h.s.]

[Eight]

"Jenna, I'm home!"

Jenna and Katie shot up from the bed. This is it. She had to tell her mom how she felt.

"You can do this, Jenna," Katie said from behind her as Jenna's hand wrapped around the doorknob. She twisted it open and was about to walk out, when her mom appeared at the door, startling each other.

"Jenna, I'm-"

Jenna held up her hand, silencing her mom. It didn't feel right to do that to her own mother, but she had to do everything and anything she could to get her mom to listen.

Mom, we need to talk.

She wanted to say it, but all she could do was think it. Her mouth wouldn't open, and she couldn't talk, and if she did, she was sure she would choke mid-sentence. So, she just stared blankly at her mother.

Her mother took it upon herself to speak again, "I'm sorry."

Jenna took a small step back, she could feel Katie behind her, just as she promised. It gave her a source of confidence and she said, "Its okay, mom." But that isn't what she wanted to say.

Her mom let out a breath and pulled her into a hug. Jenna closed her eyes tightly, mentally saying, "Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid," over and over and over again, directing it towards herself.

When her mom pulled away, Jenna opened her eyes to see her mom tearing up. "Mom, you okay?"

"Mhm," she nodded her head. "It's just that.. I never thought it would slip my mind." She looked down at her hands shamefully.

"It's okay, mom, really. It's fine," Jenna assured her.

Her mom rolled in her lips, and nodded her head. "Okay, I'll go make dinner, then." She rubs her nose with the back of her hand before going downstairs, to the kitchen.

"What was that?" Katie half-shouted.

"What?" Jenna shrugged.

"That." Katie thrusts out a hand and then, "What you just did. You were supposed to tell her how you felt."

"Yeah, but did you see her face? She was already hurting before I even said anything."

"That's the point your mom was so vulnerable, you probably could've even got her to buy you ten boxes of pizza for God's sake!"

"Shh!" Jenna sticks a finger to her mouth to silence Katie. "I thought you were with me no matter what my decision is."

"Yeah, but obviously your decision is wrong."

"Okay, I'll do it another time. I just- I don't know, I just couldn't do it."

"You're gonna have to do it sooner or later, its not good to keep all your feelings bottled up," Katie told her, worried.

"Okay, so later." Jenna shrugged and walked back to her bed, sitting down.

"You're impossible, you know that?"

Yeah, she knew that.

-

Jenna lays in her bed, staring at the ceiling with arms over her stomach and music blaring in her ears.

Katie left a few hours after their "talk" they had about Jenna and her mom. She finished eating dinner not too long ago. Her mind drifted to places. Places she knew would never exist, and places she knew would always haunt her. Places full of alcohol and music.

She squeezed her eyes shut and pressed the headphones to her ears. She tried to hold in every tear that was bound to slip out. She was never really a person who'd cry, she was stronger than that.