The Last Kiss

Chapter 5

FRiENDS

            I parked my car near the pavement and headed towards the beach─ my comfort zone. Ever since I’m in grade school, I always go down here whenever I felt lonely, distressed and broken. Whenever I felt sick of the mocking laughter of my classmates about the fact that I don’t have a dad, I escape into here. But that was before I met Kirsten and Arielle. They’ve been my comforter ever since, especially Kirsten who’s always eager to listen, or sometimes lending me her shoulder.

            But today, I can’t risk of including them on my problem. They’ve been through enough. They have problems in their own. And besides, we’re grown-ups now. We can handle and solve our own problems.

            The moment I stepped into the sand of the beach, I removed my sneakers and placed it on a flat stone. It just feels good walking barefooted. I love the feeling of the sand on my sole.

            A cool breeze scented with the clean, watery fragrance of the seawater pleasantly replaced the warmth of the day. Facing the water, I lifted my arms on my side and closed my eyes. I inhaled deeply, wanting the clinging pain to go away with the breeze. Like what I used to do when I was in grade school.

            But this time, the ritual did nothing in easing the pain I felt. It didn’t even lighten my feeling. It was just different.

            I opened my eyes slowly, squinting against the playing waves in front of me. And a tear flowed down to my cheek. I felt helpless. My mind was racing in thinking any way to make myself feel better. Then I found my own arms wrapping around me, comforting myself because nobody’s here to do such thing.

            I slowly sat down on the sand, and then wrapped my arms around my knees. I watched the sun that was drifting down the sky. I watched it kissing the sea, making it blush pink and purple. The beauty of the sunset was absolutely amazing, and I felt my breath catch with pleasure.

            Closing my eyes again, I concentrated on the things in my life that were absolutely lovely. And not this pain that’s been caused by a foolish love. I thought about my mom, who was able to give me everything despite the fact that I don’t have a dad. I thought about Kirsten and Arielle, who were always providing me the atmosphere of love and care. That despite of the fact that I am a gay; they still let me feel the sense of belongingness.

            I buried my face between my knees as the memory of Lance popped in my mind. The one when he held my hands under the rain and he told me that he likes me. That he loves me. And then he gave the kiss that’s been even sweeter like the first.

            Then all of a sudden, I felt my tears beginning to run down my cheeks. The sweet and happy memories were indeed crazy things. They make us cry , and torn our hearts when we remember them. I sobbed, asking myself why on Earth I believe on his lies. If only I just succumbed into the lure of his untrue love, my heart was still whole now.

            “When your heart is broken, do not bow your head in sadness and pain. Why don’t you look up into the sky? It is where your heart was sent to heal. Until it is whole again.” A familiar voice said. I wiped out my tears before looking up. I saw Rolf standing beside me, watching the setting sun, hands inside his pockets. He sat slowly, and then crossed his legs.

            A familiar feeling erupted inside me. It was anger. Anger towards this new guy who’s so annoying. And now he’s invading my comfort zone.

            “Why are you here?” I mumbled through gritted teeth.

            “I just wanted to watch as the sun sets”, he looked at me and smiled. “But I saw you here, crying because of a lost love.”