Hey Arnold! in the Movies - Arnold and Helga Meet a FAMOUS Director

Chapter 4

Helga entered the Pataki household and made her way to the kitchen. Along the way, she passed the living room, where Big Bob was sitting on the couch and watching The Wheel.

"What are you doing home so late?" Big Bob asked gruffly.

"Busy making a movie," she said as she entered the kitchen.

"Uh-huh," Big Bob said, while staring at the television screen. After a beat, he realized what she said and followed her into the kitchen, where she was opening the refrigerator door. "What movie?"

Helga pulled out a carton of orange juice and closed the fridge door. "If you must know, Gilbert C. Ratta's filming a new horror movie over at Arnold's boarding house. It's a bit of a mess right now, but if I play my cards right, I might even get a speaking line."

"You don't say," Big Bob pondered over this information as he grabbed a glass from the cupboard, then grabbed the carton and filled it so he could give to Helga. As she reached for it, Big Bob pulled it away slightly. "Y'know, business has been kinda sluggish over at the Beeper Emporium. Maybe you can use your role to promote me a little bit..."

"And mess with my credibility? Uh yeah, not a chance," she grabbed for the glass again; once again Big Bob held it out of her reach.

"I'll pay you $500," Big Bob said. This time he handed her the glass, setting the carton on the counter. "Just think about it, okay?"

He left the kitchen. Helga leaned against the counter and sipped her juice, contemplating the offer.

---

"Quiet on the set!" commanded Gil. Everyone got into their positions as they prepared to film the next scene at the boarding house. At the behest of Grandpa, Gil had fired all the regular cast and replaced them with the children in Arnold's grade. He also had to swap his crew for the boarders, so now it was Ernie who held the boom mic (which kept dipping into shots), and Mr. Hyunh who held the camera.

"It's fine, it's OK..." Gil tried to convince himself. "Production values may have taken a nosedive, but this girl's got the right stuff. We might be able to salvage this trainwreck yet....ACTION!"

The scene started with Arnold and a group surrounding Helga, who was wearing a robe and kneeling on the ground, clutching her sides and moaning.

"Madam, are you alright?" Arnold asked.

"She's been taken by the spirits of the house, I reckon," said Stinky (whose character was dressed up in a suit and wearing a mustache to make him appear older).

"My word, she's possessed!" cried Sheena.

Everyone took a step back as a moaning Helga slowly stood up and outstretched her hands as though she were a zombie. She turned to face the group.

"Listen! She speaks!" said Gerald.

"Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiiiiiiit's Big Bob's Beepers, he's the king, Big Bob's Beepers, ching-ching-ching! Big Bob's Beepers!"

Helga did a dance as she sang the jingle, culminating with her ripping the robe off, revealing a BIG BOB'S BEEPER t-shirt underneath, which she made sure to prominently display on camera.

"Cut, cut cut!" yelled Gil. "Helga, what the heck was that?! I didn't give you the OK to adlib!"

"Just a minute, Gil," said Grandpa, walking over to Helga. "You should be thanking this girl! She had the foresight to recognize exactly what this film needed: MORE PRODUCT PLACEMENT! In fact, I insist that at least 20% of the scenes include beepers and cell phones."

"But this movie takes place in the 19th century!" pleaded Gil.

"Details, shmetails," replied Grandpa. "If your movie's any good, the audience will be so scared they won't even notice something as inconsequential as beeper in the 1800s. Okay, let's keep going!"

"I....I need to take five," Gil said quietly, walking off the set.

Everyone murmured amongst themselves while Grandpa laughed raucously.

Arnold found Gil sitting on the ground in the middle of their backyard. Abner must have followed him, because he was petting the pig with one hand while resting his chin on the other hand. He sat next to the director on the ground.

"Hey, Gil – you alright?" asked Arnold.

Gil sighed. "I'm ruined, Arnie," he admitted. "I can't make the movie I want with all these restrictions."

"It's because of Grandpa," Arnold said. "He's gung-ho on this revenge kick and nothing I say can persuade him otherwise."

"The funny thing is, I don't even mind all that," said Gil. "I actually deserved it – I was a real terror when I lived here at Sunset Arms."

"You were?"

Gil nodded, and proceeded to scratch Abner's tummy. "Your grandparents were gracious enough to let my folks and I move in from off the streets," Gil explained. "We had no money, but in exchange for doing odd jobs and cleaning the boarding house we were allowed to stay rent-free. That would've been alright, if it wasn't for my overactive imagination. I pranked your poor grandmother more times I can remember. And I nearly burned the place down when I tried to film with fire in my first home video.

Eventually we were able to stand on our own two feet and we left Sunset Arms. But I never forgot this place." Gil looked wistfully at the old building. "So many memories. So many good ideas....my best ideas...were born here and later turned into some of my greatest works. I just thought if I filmed my biggest franchise here, I could bury the hatchet with your grandpa and we'd finally get along. I guess I was wrong. Phil must truly hate me."

He wiped a tear from his eye.

"I don't think Grandpa HATES you," said Arnold. "But I think still he's bitter about the past and suspects that you're trying to pull a fast one over him. I think if you just told him everything that you told me, he'd see the error of his ways and come around with all his crazy demands."

"Oh, I can't do that, Arnold," Gil said sullenly. "I think I'd feel even worse I'd laid my soul bare to him and he still rejected me. Then I don't know what I'd do."

"Let me talk to him."

"Okay, but I don't see what good that will do now..."

Arnold stood up. "Trust me," he said. But even as he returned to the boarding house, he had no clue how to change his Grandpa's mind.

As he made his way upstairs, he ran into Mr. Hyunh, who was still holding the camera.

"Oh, Arnold! I'm glad I bumped into you!" said Mr. Hyunh. "My camera skills, they are not very good. I thought I'd practice a bit before we start filming again. Tell me – does this look good to you?"

Mr. Hyunh replayed the footage of the camera. Arnold's eyes widened. "Mr. Hyunh! This is perfect! This is exactly what he needs to see!"

Mr. Hyunh beamed. "Oh thank you, but I would be too nervous to show Mr. Ratta himself that I—"

"No, not Gil – Grandpa! Come on, follow me!" he grabbed Mr. Hyunh by the hand and together they ran the rest of the way upstairs to find the incorrigible Steely Phil.