Cracks Within

Chapter 7

Saturday 14th February 2009.

Sitting on the rock, I feel like Ariel. I look over the lake, unable to see the end. It's a warm day, sweat beading on the back of my neck. "Anna, you have to talk about how you feel about this at some point. You can't just ignore it." I look behind me at my best friends face full of concern.

"I said I'm fine and I don't care. Can we talk about something else please?"

Amy studies my face. She stands up, moving towards the rock I'm sitting on, and takes a seat next to me. "You can't ignore it, Anna. I saw the way you looked when he announced that she was moving in with him and his Mom while her parents are away. You must admit your feelings for him. He's been messaging me non-stop, asking me why you've been blanking him. He's worried about you. You NEED to talk to him."

"I said, I don't care. Drop it."

"Anna, this is important! He's worried that he's done something wro-"

"HE HAS DONE SOMETHING WRONG. HE'S MOVED HIS GIRLFRIEND INTO MY LIFE MORE THAN SHE ALREADY WAS. HE'S PUSHING HER IN MY FACE WHEN I LITERALLY CAN'T BEAR TO SEE THEM TOGETHER! DOES HE NOT KNOW BY NOW HOW I FEEL?! DOES HE NOT KNOW THAT I LIKE HIM SO MUCH THAT MY HEART ACHES WHEN HE LOOKS AT ME?! DOES HE NOT KNOW THAT I LOOK FORWARD TO SEEING HIM EVERYDAY?! NO, HE DOES NOT, BECAUSE IT DOESN'T MATTER, AND HE DOESN'T CARE! AND NOT ONLY THAT, BT I'M STUCK WITH JON WHO WILL NEVER SHUT UP ABOUT HIM. I'M DONE HEARING ABOUT THIS!" I hit my hand off the rock, causing a burning pain to shoot down my arm. I blink back tears as I look away. "I can't tell him, I won't tell him. He's happy. I am done with this conversation." I jump down from the rock and stand on the bank, staring into the water, trying to ignore the pain in my hand.

Amy sighs. She jumps down from the rock, her feet thudding the ground behind me. "I just think that-"

I scream in frustration. "I don't care what you think!" I walk off, grabbing my bag and storm into the woods. By now, I know all the passageways from the clay pools to any of the surrounding lakes and secret hiding places. I walk through a sea of trees, carefully manoeuvring, making sure that I don't cut myself or get stung by nettles. Finally, I arrive at my destination; another lake. This lake was smaller than the one I usually went too; so much smaller in fact, that I had nicknamed it my little pond of mystery. It had no rocks and you could clearly see the end of it. However, it had a beautiful grassy bank where I often read. I took a deep breath of fresh air, letting the smell of the water and freshly cut grass find its way into my lungs. Water always relaxes me. I look at my hand which is still throbbing; a bruise is already forming and a few cuts have appeared, slowly bleeding. I take some tissue out of my bag and wrap it around my hand.

"Why did I do that" I say to myself, under my breath. I take another deep breath before falling to the ground and bursting into tears.

Finally, I can't cry anymore. My eyes hurt from rubbing them constantly. Trying to not smudge my makeup, I carefully dab them with a piece of tissue that I had found in my bag. I look around me making sure that there's no one around, watching me cry like a child throwing a tantrum. I'm all alone. Again. The sun blinds me as I look up into the cloudless blue sky. Grabbing my bag, I take out my phone, Harry Potter book and bottle of Coke. I move onto my back and lie down on my jacket, using my bag as a pillow. I hold my book so it's blocking the sun and began to read. I let the words wash over me and take control of my thoughts. Suddenly a voice starts shouting and I jump out of my skin. I stand up in a defensive position and stare at the entrance I came through. "Anna! You there?! Answer me!" a deep voice shouts.

I squint my eyes. The voice sounds familiar. "What? Who are you?!" I hold my book higher, prepared to use it as a weapon. Sweat rolls down my face, my breathing quickens and I start to shift backwards, dangerously close to the bank. Sam's face appears between the mass of trees, his eyes darting from side to side, trying to locate me. His eyes settle on my face. He walks towards me, his arm scratched from trying to find me.