So here goes,
One last letter now. One last attempt to make sense.
Who have I been writing to? I'm not sure anymore.
What have I been trying to accomplish?
It's a mystery, I guess. Self-made secrecy.
Things get cloudy and now all these stories and
The struggle as an undercurrent, both get blurry by the minute both get blurrier.
So, which voice is this then that I've been writing in? Is it my own or his?
Has there ever been a difference between them at all?
I don't know I don't know.
One last desperate plea. One last verse to sing.
One last laugh track to accompany the comedy.
Have I been losing it completely? Losing sanity?
Or has it been fabricated, fashioned by the worst of me?
I know I knocked the table over because I watched the jar break
and I've been trying to repair it every single stupid day
But won't the cracks still show no matter how well it's assembled
can I ever just decide to let it die and let you go?
All my motives and every single narrative below reflects
that moment when it broke and will I never let it go
No matter what? Now I am throwing all the shards away,
discarding every fragment, and fumbling uncertain towards a Curtain call
that no one wants to happen,
that no ones going to clap for at all, but that still has to be.
August 14, 12:44am
I've made a mistake.
That's all I ever do.
My arms and legs and stomach is sore,
Sore with cuts.
The cuts I made last night.
Every deep one stung,
Especially when I would put my hand over them to stop the bleeding.
The salt from my hands would sink into the cuts,
Just as poison would to a river full of life.
It has the same affect.
I wish I could go deeper.
Deep enough to finally die.
I wanna be buried six feet under ground,
But I want to be buried in your arms.
I treated her around today.
She looked down.
I brought her to the mall.
It rained all day yet again.
I bought her some stuff.
Then we went on a walk by the lake.
She caught a baby toad.
She's didn't want to let it go.
I said she could keep it.
We went to her house,
And I asked her what was going on.
She changed the subject,
