12:17 - 8/30/2014
I have never wanted to kill myself more than I have today.
But I am happy to say that I am over you,
finally.
I'm still going to indirect these notes at you,
only because I don't talk to you very much so I like to update you on everything that is happening.
I mean,
I know you don't care, but it just makes me feel a little better to write everything down,
I think.
I met a girl at school.
She gives me the same feeling that I had when we actually talked.
Her name's Elizabeth,
but she goes by Eli.
She's only my friend right now.
I don't think she knows I like her yet.
My love for her is probably fake like my love for you.
In other news,
I have not heard from Sydney in a couple days.
I don't know what's going on with her.
She's probably doing fine.
I hope you're talking to her.
She really likes you.
You're really important to her.
Please don't do anything to hurt her.
She's my best friend,
and I bet she's yours.
Or maybe you've forgotten about her because she moved here to Sioux Falls.
She still talks about you.
She misses you.
I've held her as she has cried because of how much she misses you.
I don't want to put any pressure on you though.
I mean,
I don't know you anymore.
It's like I don't even exist in your head anymore.
Whatever.
I guess it doesn't matter to me anymore.
She told me that she listens to sad music and thinks about you.
I don't know if it's true,
but it's what she says.
I know she doesn't read these.
She's too busy.
Why do I fill my head with this bullshit?
Why do I keep writing these to you?
Why do I still try and talk to you?"
Fuck.
I just need to man up and actually kill myself.
Actually do the job.
All the other times I have done it,
I thought of you and Sydney,
So I didn't finish the job.
This time I'll do it correctly.
I'm on my last straw,
I know that for a fact.
I'm going to bed.
