It's been a Year

Dylana VII

"We had to cancel Chicago. I'am so sorry girls." My dad really feels sorry, I see it in his face. To be honest, I am relieved. After these messed up holidays that I mainly spent with Milo, I'm glad that I can go back home to my friends. And Colson. For hells sake, I can't get him out of my fucking mind. Not one hour, not one day passes without me thinking of him. Even after this year, even after my failed relationship with Kai, I just can't stop thinking about him. I check my phone under the breakfast table. No new messages, but my calendar gives me a notification. 'Colson+Dylana 2 year anniversary.' I check the date. It really is the 6th of July. I can't believe it. Today would've been our 2 year anniversary. I check the 6th of July for the following years and I really entered our following ten anniversaries. We thought we'd last that long. I remember the night I saved them all. It was new years eve. We had a long talk and makeout session, where we talked about what we want in our future. I asked him if he wants to get married. He just looked me in the eyes and kissed me in a way that no one has ever kissed me before. Just the thought of it makes me shiver. "Dylana, don't use your phone at the table." With teary eyes I look up and put my phone away. "So girls I hope you're packed. The taxi to the airport is arriving at 2'o'clock." I look at Helia. She's clearly struggling not to laugh, because our room is an absolute mess. "You two clearly have to pack, so how about you go and start?"

While Helia and I are packing, we listen to our joined playlist. We're both dancing more than packing, but it's really fun, until the song changes to the song that, always did and always will, remind me of Colson and my breakup. Always by Gavin James was the song that I listened to everyday until these holidays. Everytime I heard it, I nearly cried, sometimes I did. Even while I was with Kai. To me, Colson was my future. My one and only. My everything. I tried explaining it to my friends, but they never understood, and they probably never will. No one but Colson can fill the empty space in my heart I had since we broke up. It's not like I never see him. I see him at school and in my dreams, but we also meet up very seldom. So seldom, that I don't know enough about him that it could satisfy me. "Sis, are you alive?" Luckily Helia tears me out of my misery. I nod and keep on packing but the lyrics still haunt me.

Cracks won't fix and the scars won't fade away
I guess I should get used to this
The left side of my bed's an empty space
I remember we were strangers
So tell me what's the difference
Between then and now

And why does this feel like drowning?
Trouble sleeping
Restless dreaming

You're in my head
Always, always
I just got scared
Away, away
I'd rather choke on my bad decisions
Then just carry them to my grave
You're in my head
Always, always, always
Always, always

You're in my head
Always, always
I just got scared
Away, away
I know there's nothing left to cling to
But I'm still calling out your name
You're in my head
Always, always, always