Live For The Fear

Chapter 9

Crow's POV~

What was I doing? I've never wanted to do things like that..Did he drug me in my sleep, what is he doing to me? My thoughts fluttered around in my head while I ate dinner. I looked up at Johnny. Johnny? Since when did I- whatever. He was watching me closely. "Is something wrong?" I touched my face. "Do I have something on my face or.." He chuckled.

"Nothings wrong. I was just pondering over something."

     "Okay, " I looked back down to my food. Part of the pasta was still untouched, the garlic bread remaining was a small chunk. Guess I'm not that hungry tonight. I wiped my mouth and got up. Jonathan gave me a questioning look.

      "Done already?"

       "I'm not that hungry." I grabbed my plate and walked over to the sink. I know he's watching me.

      "Crow something's wrong." I turned around to face him.

       "What?" He got up and inspected my wrists and my collarbone.

         "Do you eat regularly? Are you trying a diet? I see no need for one." I shook my head in response. Jonathan held my hands. "You can tell me, have you been cutting back on food?" I bit my lip. My experiment on myself for precautions might be put to an end it seems. I nodded. A flash of worry shot through his eyes. Jonathan let go of my hands and walked away. I heard stomping down the staircase after he was out of sight. I ran out of the kitchen to the basement door and twisted the knob repeatedly. Locked...Knives. I reached behind my belt and grabbed my knife. The knife slid in between the crack in the door. Click. I swung the door open and ran down the stairs.

Jonathan turned away from his desk. His eyes were watery. That's... strange. For him at least. "What are you doing? What's wrong?"

    He looked down at the floor. "Why?" He whispered. "Why...Why would you hurt yourself? You're hurting yourself you're killing yourself!" He shouted coming towards me. What should I do, he's not gonna let me explain. Hell, Scarecrow can get out.. "You're going to get sick if you-" I smashed my lips against his and pulled Jonathan close.

Jonathan kissed back roughly and clenched my shirt. "I'm fine," I whispered in between our lips. His eyes were even more watery. I wiped my thumbs over his eyes.

      "Stop doing it." Having no food was making me stronger, if I did more things like this I could survive anything Batman or my "friends" put me through.

     I sighed, "It was making me stronger."

     "It was making you weaker."

"I was experimenting on myself... I guess I'll have to stop" Jonathan tilted my head making me look back up at him. He slowly leaned in and his soft lips pressed against mine. I ran my fingers through Jonathan's soft hair. I felt his hands slide to my thighs. What is he- Jonathan lifted me up and I wrapped my legs around him as he began walking. The creaking of stairs underneath me started as he began to kiss me rougher.

Soon I felt myself sinking down onto something soft. Our bed. I pulled Jonathan closer. His hands roamed underneath my blouse. His shirt..come off.. I started unbuttoning his shirt. He started tugging at my pants. Wait! I pulled away from his lips. Jonathan stared at me for a moment. "I'm so sorry," He said leaning back.

     "No I'm sorry I'm not..I'm not ready."

     He nodded. "Just tell me if I go too far Crow."

"Jackie," I blurted out.

      "Pardon?"

      "Jackie..that's my real name."