Don't be scared when I am around (yoonmin) [finished]

Literature Love Lessons

Before you read another  chapter I would like to thank you all for reading the first book that I have ever written. It's a really stressful procedure especially now that I am having so little free time and yet I am sitting and writing because I love doing this. Thanks for your support. I hope we will grow in numbers.

This will be a sad chapter. If you find it boring....I don't know<3!!!

7:04

I woke up from my dreadful nightmare. I dreamt that my parents forced me to stay away from my friends and that they called me a faggot in front of everyone.

Oh...wait. It was not a nightmare. It is my life. Reality hit me hard this time. This year has been nothing but terrible. The guys came to visit me two days ago, but my parents kicked them out immediately. Yesterday morning Yoongi was waiting patiently outside my house to accompany me. And he waited...and he waited. Until my mother pushed me into the car and forbade me to say a single word to him.

I despised myself. He tried to surprise me and instead he was the one who got startled. My dad pushed him. My best friend. A person that made me feel proud of myself when I thought that I was a worthless piece of shit.

I saw him observing me through the car's  window. He had a very sorrowful look on his face. Like he wanted to apologize to me. But he was definitely the one who didn't have to apologize.

Today  I will have to go to school by myself, because my mother has an appointment and my father is working. I wore a simple black t-shirt and blue- baggy  jeans. I wore my sneakers and grabbed my house keys as I run out of my house. After yesterday's event I doubt that Yoongi will  want to escort me to school or even talk to me.

And yet there he was. Sitting on a nearby bench, holding a yellow flower, having his eyes glued on me. He smiled at me with his gummy smile and run towards me. I got nervous as I felt my cheeks turning red and a big smile appeared on my face. Then I saw that his sister was watching us from the window and I directly remembered that she was the one who said all these lies to my dad.

My smile just vanished. Suddenly, Yoongi opened his arms and hugged me tightly. It is the most wonderful feeling I have ever experienced. My heart started pounding faster and I can feel myself relaxing into his embrace. I was always close with my friends, but this...this is different.

This man has every right to be mad at me and yet he is here holding me tightly, like he doesn't want to let me go. He is reassuring me that everything will be fine. How can everything be fine if your sister tells my parents that she saw us? They will hurt you. And I cannot tolerate  this. I have no strength left to fight for myself. But I will fight for you, so that you won't ever get hurt again.

I pushed him off  me and I started to walk away. He sat there teary. I didn't look back. I never thought that he would cry.  And then I realised that he was holding the flower he bought me that night. He never had the chance to give it to me. And now I am pushing him away. I hope that the others will stay friends with him, since now I am officially out of our group. ''I am doing this for your own good Yoongi,'' I was telling myself so that I won't let tears escape my eyes.

As soon as I arrived at school I realized how many things have changed. Some guys were teasing Namjoon for being gay, yet fortunately no one tried to hit him because they were scared of his height and Jin. Yes, Jin. Jin came and grabbed Namjoon's hand. He whispered something to his ear and they both smiled, not caring about other students' stares.

That was until they noticed me. Everybody was talking behind my back and yet I could clearly listen to their comments. Some of them were praising me for my choices and some were staring at me like I was an unworthy human being. Jin and Namjoon tried to approach me, but I walked to my class as fast as I could. I didn't want to confront anyone.

First hour: literature lesson. Apart from the fact that my life is awful, it's also tedious. Students started coming into the class ,when I saw Tae and Jungkook coming inside laughing. I missed their smiles. They greeted me, but I didn't greet back. My mother and our literature teacher know eachother and she has informed her for my ''punishment''. So I decided not to push my luck. They were probably hating me already.

Yoongi and his sister walked in. I forgot we were together in this class. I felt my body getting cold since I was trying to eliminate the urge I had to hug him back. They sat down and the lesson started.

''Today's subject is love. Well you might think that  you know what love is but I am here to prove you otherwise.''Love is when you put someone else's needs above yours. Love is when you prefer to hurt yourself rather than the person that you love'' someone once said. So I would like to hear someone's opinion on this. Well...Yoongi, what is love to you ?''.

''I would prefer not to answer Miss. I am not really good with words''.

You are the best lyricist I have ever seen, dumbass!!! I thought to myself.

''Yoongi, you have never spoken during my class. If you want a decent grade at the end of the semester, you have to say something boy''.

''Fine. I don't know what love is, since I think that most of my relationships were probably based on lust, but...recently I have experienced something that I would call love. I repeat the ''I'' since it is one sided''.

''Ahhhhhhh'' all the girls in the classroom sighed. Some of them thought that we were a couple but after this statement they must have changed their opinions. Why does it bother me that we are not a couple though?

'''Yeah, don't be like this. It happens. Look. Life hasn't been really kind to me lately. And yet I feel like this person has actually helped me overcome some obstacles that I could never manage to overcome by myself. I was literally another person when I was with...her. And yet I was still myself . I adore every single flaw she has and I enjoy every single moment we had together. She is probably the most encouraging, generous, warm, lovely, gorgeous, unbelieveable, human being I have met in these seventeen years of my life. I hear her  breath and I feel like I could listen to this sound for ever. I observe how her  pink lips tilt when she  is smiling to one of my terrible jokes. I like when she encourages me to continue doing the things that I love . Sometimes she was my inspiration. Her  perfectly shaped eyes, that...cannot be seen when she  laughs out loud. Her  body , a body that every single painter  would like to draw, because it's beautiful and unique. Her  glance when she is observing me from afar. Her  hair, that is amazing with every single colour. Her  hugs...even if war was happening , I would still feel safe and warm in her  arms. Her  fashion, since she can be exceptional wearing the ugliest shirt. But what really makes me cherish my moments with her  is the way she made  me feel. I always felt worthless and she made me feel like I belonged somewhere. This month has been bearable, due to her  existence. And now she is gone. I do not know what love is. To love is nothing, to be loved is something, but to love and be loved that's everything. Every time I see her  I love her  even more. The best love is the kind of love that awakens your soul, that makes you reach for more, that plants the fire in your heart and brings you inner peace. That is what I was hoping to give...h...her , but I cannot anymore. She hates me now''.

The entire class was silent. And I was about to cry. I couldn't look at him, but I think his eyes were swollen. He must have cried.

The teacher started clapping and grabbed a tissue from her purse. Everybody was clapping for Yoongi.

''Your ex-girlfriend doesn't know what she's been missing''.

''Yeah, I guess. Sorry for saying all these stupid things. I don't actually believe them, I was just trying to explain what love is and...''.

''Your grades will certainly improve''.

His words left me shook. I FELT PAIN. Actual physical pain. Like the feeling you get in your stomach when your heart is broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.